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New rule: no political trolling
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Hey all, quick announcement. Based on the recent uptick in posts more focused on arguing politics than asking if you're the asshole, we've added a more specific rule. Posts primarily focused on political trolling (i.e. trying to get a reaction, or multiple political posts in a short timeframe) will be removed and the account will face a ban. Similarly, posts that are genuine but spark a significant number of rule-violating comments will be removed, but that will not necessarily result in a ban.
Posts involving politics and political figures are still allowed. We just want ones that actually ask whether you were the asshole, not ones that argue for your political purposes. If you have any questions about this rule, shoot us a modmail.
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AITAH for only doing the bafe minimum when I got roped into babysitting.
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My sister 38, invited me over for a family meal. Our parents were there too. After dinner my mom and I helped clean up while my dad and brother-in-law watched my nieces and nephew. Afterwards my parents left. Then my sister and brother-in-law asked me if I could watch the kids for an hour while they went for a quick errand. I agreed.
They got very dressed up for errands but I didn't ask. They've done this before. I didn't usually have anything going on so I don't really mind. Today I was clear that I had plans and one hour was my limit.
My sister agreed to one hour.
After an hour I called and she didn't answer. Half an hour later I texted my friends and said I couldn't make it. Then I proceeded to keep the kids alive. I felt I owed her that as family.
Did I put them to sleep? Nope. Did I make them a snack rather than let them use the stove? Yes. Did I keep the little one from drawing on the walls while his older brother played fortnite and the middle kid watched Stranger Things with me. Nope. I kept them alive.
My sister got home a little after one AM. Nephew was still playing Fortnite. Middle kid and I were still binging Stranger Things. Little was passed out on their bed.
I got up and left.
I've been hearing about it for a few days now about how irresponsible I am. That 12 is too young for such a scary show. That my nephew has limited screen time. That they still haven't got the drawings off the walls.
My parents are getting involved as well.
I really don't care. I was told one hour. I agreed to one hour. I feel that I did a great job for one hour. Not really my problem after that.
So four people think I'm being an asshole. Three kids had a great night. And I think they won't try it again.
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NTA. Your sister knew what she was doing, she just doesn’t like the consequences of her actions.
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AITAH for unplugging my neighbours car from the charging point ? It’s my charging point .
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Four times a week I see this lady using my charging point ( that I pay for) to charge her car , doesn’t even ask me . I just get home from work and see she is using it , while she was clearly too occupied “ gardening “ I went up and unplugged it from her car . I’ve now left a note on her car saying ‘ any future plug ins will be reported to the council ‘ I’m so sick of this
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Buy a lock for your charger to put an end to any unauthorized access
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AITAH: I don’t want to forgive my sister even if it happened when we were young
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My sister is 3 years younger than me. She had a huge crush in a guy her class and they were good friends. He was coming around all the time. He tried to ask me out several times and I said no every time. Then I went to college in a different city and I thought that was the end of it but I was home during Christmas and he asked me out again and I said no, so he assaulted me. My sister took his side and took off with him for about 3 weeks until his parents kicked her out. She was angry with me and didn’t speak to me for a year. I was too broken and in my own world to care. When I regained my control over my life I realized how shitty she was to me and I have not looked at her since. It has been 15 years. I am not hostile. I just avoid her. When I have to be in the same social gathering with her I never speak to her and only answer short if she talks. She has never apologized. She is getting married now and my mother said it was time for me to get over it. She was just 17 and people did all stupid things when they were 17. Brain develops at 25. I never want to speak to her. I don’t want to attend her wedding. I don’t care. My mom said I was an ah giving the whole family pain. We should all move on
\*\*I need to add something. My sister never apologized yes, but my mom, as a compromise want her to apologize and I attend the wedding. My sister agreed. I don’t want it. Sorry for not including it in my op\*\*
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NTA. You don’t just “get over” trauma. If she was apologetic and pushing for a relationship with you that you were constantly rejecting, I’d say maybe. But it’s clear you never got closure, and have no desire to be around someone that caused you so much pain with no remorse. Your feelings are valid
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AITAH for "allowing" my stepdaughter to wear stinky pajamas to school ?
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I (31f) married my husband (37m) in December then moved in with him and his daughter (15f). The mom (41f) is in the picture but my stepdaughter lives us full-time.
On the 1st day of school after Christmas break for my stepdaughter, I was to drive her to school. When she was "ready," she was in pajamas that smelled like gym clothes. She had pimple patches all over her face. Her hair was messy and greasy. But I didn't say anything. She's 15 and in 10th grade, I figured she's old enough to dress herself. Plus if her mom and dad don't have a problem with it, why should I.
My mom (53f) came to visit. My mom looked like her eyes would fall out of her head when she saw how my stepdaughter looked when she came home from school.
My mom asked how on earth I'm allowing my stepdaughter to go to school like that. I told my mom nobody asked for my input and it wasn't my decision. She called me, my husband, and my stepdaughter's mom bad parents for allowing her to look like that at school. I asked my mom to leave my house. Am I the asshole ?
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EDIT
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This edit is for the wonderful people who are concerned about my stepdaughter. I agree I'm the AH. I now understand this is not normal. I will do my best to get her professional help.
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This is a 15 year old girl that doesn't care what she looks or smells like. There is a problem with all of you.
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I defended my fiancé against my maid of honor and she ended our 10yr friendship. But AITAH instead of her?
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I asked my friend “Anna” to be my maid of honor for my wedding. She agreed and then later on suggested I switch to another friend whom Anna thought would be hurt if she wasn’t chosen. I declined saying she was my closest friend and she meant more to me.
During wedding prep, Anna was either in another state (winter migration to Florida) or too busy, even on weekends. I did it all myself.
A month before the wedding my husband has his bachelor party. Three weeks before the wedding I realized she wasn’t going to plan a bachelorette party. I was sad but I wasn’t going to say anything to her. My then fiance texted her, basically calling her out for not doing any maid of honor duties and making me feel unimportant. They argued and she eventually got two other girls together to come to my house for the lamest bachelorette party ever. Potato dishes and cheap wine. She gave fiancé the cold shoulder the entire time and the everything was just awkward.
She texted me a week later stating that she would be there for me but didn’t want to interact with fiancé at all. I asked how that would be possible if they’re both IN THE WEDDING?? She was still mad at him and admitted to holding a grudge. I suggested that if she was going to be angry the whole time that she probably shouldn’t come at all as it was supposed to be a happy day and I didn’t want it overshadowed with her irritation at my fiancé.
She then told me that she never wanted the maid of honor duties and she tried to get me to pick someone else so she wouldn’t be expected to help with the wedding. She then told me that because of me expecting her to help and for choosing hum over her, our friendship was over, cursed me out on text, and blocked me on everything. She also won our other two friends in the “divorce” so now I have zero women friends.
But was I really the AH? Should I have just let her be mad IN my wedding? Should I have told hubby to back off even though she never told me she didn’t want to help until during the last argument?
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NTA.
Some of these comments make no sense at all. Are these Y T A commenters failing to follow the timeline?
This woman agreed to be MOH.
She never once “requested” not to be MOH. All she did was suggest another friend on the grounds that that friend might be upset to not be asked.
Throwing a bachelorette is one of the only functions of a MOH that’s universally understood, at least as far as I know in the US.
If she didn’t want to do this stuff, she should have been upfront about it. Per the post, there’s no indication that she ever suggested she didn’t want to do this.
Good on this fiancé for standing up for you. What kind of person stays a MOH and chooses to do nothing whatsoever? In what universe is “Anna” not TA for completely failing to communicate her desire to back out?
At WORST, OP failed to read between the lines once or twice. That doesn’t make OP an AH.
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WIBTAH if I tell my parents I don’t wanna fight cancer?
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A couple of weeks ago I 16M was diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma, it’s a form of cancer that doesn’t often get detected till much later, I’ve been really sick for weeks before getting diagnosed and I had a really high fever and I stayed for over a week at the hospital and they did a bunch of tests on me to find out what was wrong, and I had cancer that’s already spread throughout my body.
My parents and family are devastated but they’re all so supportive of me, my dad hasn’t left my side since going to the hospital where I still am today, he even showers and sleeps here with me, but the thing is that I’m the oldest of 4 siblings, they still have my 3 sisters to take care of and my family aren’t that rich in the first place, and chemo and other treatments are so fucking expensive, like when the doctors and our oncologist team told us about how much everything costs I felt my heart drop and I just saw fear on my parent’s faces, even with our insurance and everything my parents would go in debt for the rest of their lives if I decided to fully fight it, my little sisters would suffer so much because of me. I don’t want that. I want them to be happy and safe and I want them all to have a chance at a happy future my parents included, they did so much for us I don’t want them working themselves to death for me I want them to eventually retire and enjoy life.
Am I scared of this? Yea I don’t wanna die, but living while knowing I ruined my entire family would be worse than death for me, I also don’t wanna go through chemo, my aunt dad’s little sister died of cancer back in 2023 and she did chemo for like 6 years and it sucked her soul out, yes she lived longer but they weren’t happy or good years they were horrible, I don’t want that because I’ll live a horrible life even if it’s a bit longer and I’d destroy my family’s lives in the process while still dying either way.
Would I be an asshole if I tell them how I’m feeling? I feel like they’d all hate me so much for it but it’s for them that I’m doing this because I love them
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[removed]
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AITAH for not giving my mom my bank account?
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So for background context, I’m a 26 year old female, I just graduated uni and got a full time job. I’m making real money for the first time in my life. I was born here but I’m Asian background. My Asian mom wants me to give her my bank details because she wants to “manage it” and thinks that I don’t know how to manage my own money/finances. When she asked for my bank details, I got so angry and refused to give it. She always bitches at me when I spend my OWN money that I worked for on myself. She has always spent money overseas to her useless scam family members. I remember in grade 7 when I didn’t have a phone myself, she bought a brand new iPhone for her brother who takes advantage of her. She has always helped useless family members with their down payments/ car payments. I’m not allowing her to send my hard earned money to other people. She always complains when I spend the tiniest amount of money on myself. But has no problem sending money to other people.
If she has my bank account, she’ll know where I’m going, how much I’m spending, etc. she used to have my bank account in high school, and it was just sooo annoying having to explain every little thing. I know if I refuse to give my account to her, it will strain our relationship big time. I will support her financially/pay rent cause I’m living with her, but I don’t believe she has the right to my bank account.
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You're 26. This isn't even a discussion. It ended when you said no.
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AITAH for not helping my stepson take a shower?
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Married for 2 years, my wife has a 10yr old son with explosive temper disorder and an undiagnosed mental disorder. He is full functioning physically but he has no empathy and gets angry quickly if he doesn’t get his way every time. His reasoning skills aren’t developed. He can be very polite saying please and thank you and he loves playing sports and games.
Within the past year he has told a teacher that I had hit him, pushed him and pinned him to the floor. It was reported to his physician but that was the end of it, no report to cpc, which I find odd. He told us he did it for attention. That hasn’t happened since.
My wife typically helps him in the shower to make sure he is thorough or at least talks him through it so he doesn’t come out with soap in his hair etc.
Occasionally if she is sleeping before a late shift or whatever, she has asked me to supervise him and I have with the shower curtain closed.
A few times he has been inappropriate, slapping his butt and making twerking moves and saying things like “smack that booty”. The final straw was he said “I see you peeking at me!” and starts slapping his butt.
He doesn’t respond to me saying how bad and inappropriate it is but continues. Obviously that made me very uncomfortable and considering that he made up a story before about me hitting him, I told my wife that I’m done. I’m not going to put myself in a position where he could tell someone at school or wherever that I “peeked” on him or worse!
My wife thinks I’m being unreasonable and faults me for his un thorough showers.
Am I an asshole for protecting myself?
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I've been a special education teacher for 25 years. If your son can twerk in the shower there is no reason for either of you to be in there at all. Make him do his own self care.
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AITAH for not understanding why my husband got upset at our 4yr old for sitting on a pillow?
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Today, I (f24) heard my husband (m23) scold our 4 year old daughter for something but i couldn’t quite tell what it was. However I did hear her start to argue with him and he was trying to get her to listen to him. But because she’s still trying to figure out feelings, she got upset. I walked in the room and asked what happened. He told me “She was sitting on the pillow and she was crushing it so I told her to get off and she started arguing with me and wouldn’t listen.” I stood there so confused. So he told her to not sit on a pillow… on the couch.. in the home that she lives in? It’s not a fancy or antique pillow or anything like that. He and I “crush” the pillows when we’re leaning back on them while watching a movie or whatever. So i expressed my confusion to him because it makes ZERO sense to me. It’s not like she was bouncing up and down or standing on the couch or anything to put her in harm’s way. He then tried saying that it’s not about the pillow but the fact that she wasn’t listening- which i guess i understand. We have been having problems with her listening. BUT she was SITTING DOWN on a PILLOW!! And then he started saying “you wouldn’t sit on top of a pillow in someone else’s home!” SHE LIVES HERE!!! And then he started getting mad at me. For what, I dont know. Some insight would be great, thanks.
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Your husband realized he was wrong while you were arguing with him and spouting nonsense is all he had left.
If it was because he didn't want her rear end on pillows because you all lay your heads on them, then he should have just said that.
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AITAH for refusing to share my inheritance with my "struggling" siblings?
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Our grandmother passed away and left me her house because I was the only one who lived with her and took care of her for five years. My two siblings, who rarely visited, now want me to sell the house and split the profit three ways because they both have significant credit card debt.
I told them "no" because I gave up my 20s to be a full-time caregiver while they traveled pretty much and spent all their time away They are calling me selfish and saying I’m "disrespecting Grandma’s memory" by letting them struggle when I should think about them as well. But have they thought about my grandma when she needed them?
AITAH for keeping the house for myself as intended?
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NTA. I think you made yourself pretty clear and why you’re saying no to them.
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AITAH for refusing to sign an NDA from an ex?
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Years ago, I briefly dated my boss’s boss while working on a political campaign. I was 22 at the time and he was 24 or 25 I think. It was really intense and didn’t end well. Basically I was looking for a relationship, he just wanted to hook up, and it took me about 3-4 months to figure out that he was just feeding me lines to keep me around. Once I realized that, I broke up with him. He took it terribly. He’s a dick. The campaign ended a couple of weeks later and I figured I’d never have to see him again.
He ended up going to law school and staying in politics. He’s now an elected official and has been reelected a couple times. He’s gone viral a couple of times and gets really positive media coverage. I remember from our dating days that he has big political aspirations. And he’s built up quite the network so I think he can go far.
Welp, I kind of figured this would eventually happen, but recently a member of his team reached out asking me to sign an NDA. It makes sense because I certainly have memories of him admitting things to me - as well as my own direct experiences - that aren’t flattering. Campaigns are super intense (100hr work weeks without a single day off for months at a time; people end up doing crazy things to win). I got the impression even back then that he was surprised and nervous about how much he opened up to me. I thought I was just having deep conversations with someone I really cared about; it took me way too long to realize he wasn’t really capable of caring about me.
I don’t really blame him for how he was back then. He was an arrogant young man and I was an inexperienced, naive young woman, and we were both under insane pressure. I certainly learned a LOT about myself and humanity from the 8 months I worked alongside him. I moved on and don’t hold anything against him today. That was a long time ago.
At the same time, I really don’t want to sign an NDA. It doesn’t seem fair or necessary. And who knows, there might be a day someday where he says or does something relevant that makes me want to share something. I think free speech and accountability are important and I have no idea what the future holds.
But I also don’t want to be a jerk. I have no plans to say anything anyway, so not signing would just cause him unnecessary stress. He always said I was difficult and this seems like playing into that narrative.
AITAH if I don’t sign?
ETA: I forgot to mention that the NDA didn’t come with any offer of money. It was just strongly worded with intimidating language. I could counter with a demand for money but that just feels like throwing my morals out the window entirely. I don’t want anything to do with that world.
ETA: Wow, thank you for the responses! I was legitimately expecting a sea of “YTA - why are you being difficult for the sake of being difficult, he can do some real good with his career, stop stressing him out”.
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If nothing you experienced was illegal or unethical, it’s interesting that his team feels the need to lock you into silence now
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AITAH for stopping my husband’s wedding?
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I had a court marriage with my husband in the US, he is a Hindu and I am a Muslim. We have been married for two years.
I filed for divorce a few months ago when I found out he was cheating. He had been paying hookers and cheating consistently through our marriage.
Our divorce is currently at a litigation phase.
I discovered he was marrying another girl from his community in two weeks in India. I found her on Instagram and contacted to confirm if this was true, she said yes. She had no idea he was ever married, let alone going through divorce.
She didn’t believe it at first, so I provided our marriage certificate, videos, photos, case number (which is public record) etc
She called off the wedding and texted me this morning thanking me for saving her life.
My ‘husband’ is now furious at me for exposing him.
He said I ruined his life as she told everyone in their community.
He was about to commit the act of bigamy which is punishable in India and the US. The act of bigamy with concealment of an existing marriage comes under BNS section 82(2)
He was about to commit a crime and ruin that girl’s life too. I am now being blamed by him and his family for ‘ruining his marriage’
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NTA of course. Your “husband” is legally still married to you, so the wedding would have been a farce. You saved this woman and also managed to besmirch his reputation in his community while still maintaining the high ground. Well done.
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AITAH for gagging after unclogging my wife’s milk duct?
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So My wife is breastfeeding and had a very painful clogged milk duct. She asked me to help unclog it by sucking, since that’s something that’s commonly recommended and nothing else was working.
After it seemed like forever I was able to unclog it and When I did, her milk shot into my mouth. I then started gagging and I felt like I was about to puke. It wasn’t intentional or meant to shame her; it was just an involuntary reaction because of how unexpected it was.
I still made sure she was okay and apologized right away, but she felt embarrassed and hurt. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t judging her at all and that I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she’s still upset with me.
AITAH?
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Now you know what a blowjob is like.
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AITAH for telling my daughter-in-law to stop "borrowing" my clothes ?
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I (51f) wonder if I'm the stereotypical evil mother-in-law. My son (27m) and daughter-in-law (27f) live close up. They come over a lot, which I don't mind.
My DIL and I are very close to being the same size. She keeps taking my clothes. The things that get put in the laundry, sometimes I am looking for an outfit just to find it in the laundry. The things that don't get washed after a single use, like hats and jackets, she somehow causes those to smell like BO.
I told my DIL to stop borrowing my clothes. DIL told my son and now my son is angry at me. Am I the asshole ?
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NTA. She's not borrowing, she's taking without asking. That's stealing. Your son needs to grow up and realize his wife is being disrespectful.
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AITAH for moving my car and saving myself?
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Ok so this happened earlier today.
I was with a friend (she was in the passenger seat) and her 8 year old daughter (in the back seat) and we were in a car (i am the driver) at a busy intersection waiting for it to be clear to cross.
There was a minivan ahead of us but I couldn't see who was in it at that time (or rather never really paid attention).
I glanced at the rear mirror and noticed a truck coming in at an alarming speed.
After a brief second, I felt uneasy and quickly moved my car into oncoming, barely cutting off a car that had just turned onto the lane.
But my instincts were right, and the truck failed to stop, completely destroying the vehicle that was ahead of me.
It all happened in the blink of an eye and I don't even remember what I was doing or what people said. I do remember that once the paramedics arrived, there were 3 children dead (who were in the back seat) and 2 adults were seriously injured.
My heart is hurting and i can't stop playing the scene in my head. I had a chat with my friend a few hours later and she was here throughout supporting me but I really am just in my head at the moment.
She of course told me that its not my fault and I told her that I would not hesitate to move if it would ever happen again.
But still I can't remove this guilt, I can't even get the scene out of my mind and I'm still shaking although this happened hours ago..
AITAH?
I shouldn't have moved right?
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NTA. But you need to talk with a qualified counselor about survivor's guilt.
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AITAH for sitting on my phone at a party where everyone spoke a language I don't understand?
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I was invited to a party by someone I know and decided to go because I didn’t want to be rude or seem uninterested. I arrived on time, greeted everyone, and brought food like I was asked to. At first, things seemed fine. People were friendly enough, and I tried to stay engaged by smiling, nodding, and listening.
After a short while, every conversation around me shifted into a language I don’t speak or understand at all. There were no translations, no pauses to include me, and no effort to switch back even briefly. I stayed seated with the group, hoping the topic would change or someone would explain what was going on, but that never happened. The conversations went on like that for a long time, with laughter and stories that I couldn’t follow.
I tried to join in by asking simple questions in the common language when there was an opening, but the responses were brief and the discussion immediately went back to the other language. At that point, there wasn’t much for me to do. I stayed where I was, didn’t interrupt, and eventually started scrolling on my phone just to pass the time.
Later on, someone commented that I was being rude for being on my phone and said I should have made more effort to participate. They pointed out that I was invited and that sitting quietly with a phone looked disrespectful at a social event. I explained that I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying for most of the night and didn’t know how else to engage without interrupting or forcing people to accommodate me.
The situation turned awkward after that. I stayed until it felt appropriate to leave, thanked the host, and went home. Since then, the incident has been brought up as an example of me not being polite at gatherings, even though the language barrier was never addressed.
So, AITAH for sitting on my phone at a party where every conversation was in a language I don’t understand?
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but being on ur phone is less rude than straight up excluding someone all night
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AITAH for wanting my ex-wife to pay rent or move out, even though it will force a custody change?
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I’m a 44(M) and I am divorced from Ally (43F). We were together over 17 years total, and we’ve been divorced a little over two years now.
Ally and I divorced because she thought I was having an affair which I wasn’t. She believed I was being secretive and that staying out late meant I was seeing someone else, In reality I was being secretive because of my job.. I’ve always been required to protect customer information. That was never new or unexpected. I was also staying out later because my dad was seriously sick at the same time my mom is chronically ill. I was juggling work, family, and caregiving… life meant long days and late nights.
Ally ended up hiring a private investigator to follow me, and they found nothing, because there was nothing to find. I only found out because I saw the bill. As you can expect, the trust was completely gone and the marriage didn’t survive it. Did I try? Not hard, no. I just felt betrayal.
We have two kids together, both teens (between 13–18) who we had before we were married. They attend a local school system that is truly phenomenal. Our youngest has an IEP for reading, and the level of support they get there has made a huge difference. Keeping the kids in these schools has always been a top priority for both of us regardless of where we were stood as a couple.
The problem is that the area we live in is extremely expensive. I honestly don’t know any single person who can afford to live here alone without roommates or a partner. I’m sure they exist, I just don’t personally know any. Ally worked before but she was always low income, but now she chooses not to work.
We have 50/50 joint custody, and I pay a significant amount of child support. Three months ago the legal agreement regarding our former marital home ended. The house was originally owned by my parents, who are aging poorly due to health issues so they transferred ownership of both that house and the one I live in to me to get it out of the way.
Now here’s the conflict.. I want Ally to start paying rent for the home she’s living in. The rent I’m asking is still below market value, but it would be more than the child support I currently pay her. If I rented it to someone else, I could make a lot more honestly.
Ally and her new boyfriend, Jacoby, are expecting their first child together. They say they can’t afford to live in the area while also paying that rent. I told her about as calmly as I could that I can’t afford to support an entire second family long term.
Due to the court order, Ally can’t move away with the kids. If she relocates, it would have to be without them which is obviously apart of the overall issue.
She talked to the kids about all of this before looping me in. I wasn’t happy about that, but what’s done is done. The kids are understandably upset but what surprised me is that they’re more upset with her. They feel like she’s expecting me to continue paying for her life, her boyfriend, and her new baby. I don’t even like they’re involved in this.
Ally has been trying to find another place, but anything affordable within an hour commute is either unavailable right now or has a long waitlist. She told me that if she has to move farther away, I’ll need to have the kids most of the time because of school, and she’ll take them on weekends. I actually told her I’m fine with that because I want more time with them, what’s best for the them, and their education.
However, I also told her that if custody changes we’ll need to go back to court to reevaluate child support. After hearing that, she completely lost it. She accused me of trying to punish her, control her life, and financially destroy her while she’s pregnant.
From my perspective, I’m already paying child support, I’ve been flexible, and I’m prioritizing the kids staying in their schools. I just don’t think it’s fair or sustainable for me to continue subsidizing my ex-wife’s housing while she builds a new family.
At the same time, I know that forcing this issue could drastically change her life, impact her relationship with the kids, and make me look like the bad guy.. especially given that she’s pregnant and housing is so hard to find.
So… AITAH for wanting my ex to either pay rent or move out, even knowing it could lead to a custody change and financial consequences for her?
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Your ex made the decision to be unemployed and to have another child. How long are you willing to bankroll her lifestyle decisions?
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AITAH for not cleaning our bathroom to prove a point that I am the only one who does so?
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Okay, so first some context: I am a female, I live with my parents and my 2 older brothers, I’m not a child, but not a whole adult, the point is, we’re not very little or anything (.. obviously-), and pull our weight around the house.
I share a bathroom with my brothers, and naturally we all have to clean it, but I noticed its more so.. me cleaning it. And not even in a petty “They forgot to clean the shower.” way either, nonono, I’m talking (warning, there will be some gross stuff ahead.)
Urine on the toilet and the bottom/base of it, that they will not clean, i’m talking PUDDLES stuck on it. They do not clean the shower after using it, but instead choose to very lightly scrub it and call it a day, usually only cleaning the tub, and leaving dirt and hair all over the walls of the shower. Hair, everywhere. They don’t mop or sweep the bathroom, And the mirror is always dirty.
Occasionally, there will be times where toilet paper and wipes are not restocked, and the soap dispenser is not filled. I know some of you may be thinking, “why don’t you clean these things if you see them?” Half of the time, I don’t! My vision is awful, so if I’m not actively inspecting or looking for hairs and dirt on the shower or something of the like, I won’t see it until I am actually in the shower.
Naturally, if I see these things, I clean them up, but it’s grown to be annoying cleaning up after them like they are children. My breaking point was a week or so ago when I went to clean the bathroom for the first day of the week and it looked awful, the toilet was filthy, the shower was filthy, and everything over all, was filthy.
I gave everything a deep cleaning and went to bed tired after spending the day cleaning it. I woke up the next morning, went in there, and it was a mess, everything unorganized, the shower covered in hair, and toothpaste spilled on the counter, I was over it, and decided to not clean it. I didn’t clean it for weeks, I wanted to see if they would clean it first or put in an effort to keep the space tidy, they did not, but what was really the kicker for me? Not the fact the shower was covered in dirt, not the fact the toilet was horrendous, not even the fact the soap bar was covered in hair. No. what did it for me was the fact that instead of refilling the liquid soap dispenser, they simply let it stay empty, and got soap from the big refill container instead!-
so fast forward to tonight, we’re all eating dinner and our mother, as any mother does asks if we’ve been cleaning the restroom, considering she hasn’t seen us do it, my brothers had the audacity to say: “YeAh!” while I gave an agitated “Nope.”
Everyone looks at me, my brothers are just confused and one of them says; “I thought you’d do it?” Which, yeah, I’m sure they did. I said, “No. I wanted to see if either of you would, and clearly you didn’t, if that toilet is anything to go off of.”
The silence? Deafening. My mother, bust out laughing after a few minutes, but my brothers were less than amuse, one of them even having the audacity to say “Why would you say that? that’s so embarrassing!” And other things of the sort, we all cleaned the bathroom after dinner but not without them glaring at me and making snide comments, at first I didn’t care, but now I’m unsure, and especially so considering our mother came to me and said; “I understand why you did what you did, but it was wrong to out them in front of everyone like that.”
I’m unsure, and I needed unbiased opinions and criticisms, so AITAH?
Edit: to clear any confusions,
”everyone” would be our little family of 5, our rule is that if someone does something embarrassing it is wrong to point it out in front of everyone. Apparently in pointing out their mess, I broke that rule.
I also feel that it is a bit necessary to point out, I’m younger than them, they have been doing the chore (or at least have been expected to.) longer than I have. So no, I haven’t just been “Expecting them to do it without any communication“, you’d think after a few years of doing a job, it wouldn’t just stop sticking because theres a new employee.
Final thing, I hardly contribute to the mess, I throw any used pads in the trash (wrapped in toilet paper and the pad wrapper.), I restock my products like body wash, wipes, and hair products, I don’t leave hair, blood, or anything else from my body in the bathroom, if I do, I will clean it up and apologize for doing so.
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NTA. You're not the maid, you're a housemate. Clear division of labor and responsibility is the backbone of shared living spaces. Gross chores included.
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AITAH for not making a female student cover-up even though her parents want me to
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I (36F) am a teacher at a small conservative private Christian school. I have just joined the school as a teacher this year, and for the most part it’s been interesting but not horrible.
Our school has a uniform, but once a month we have a dress down day where students can wear whatever they want, within a pretty reasonable dress code, only marginally stricter than a public schools. I am not extremely religious but I don’t find the dress code unfair by any means.
I have a student (17F), who dresses according to the dress code, but it is not sufficient according to her parents. Her parents are a bit of the zealot types who are extremely puritanical, and have stated that our schools dress code is ”too loose”.
The girl used to dress up according to her parents desires when she leaves home, but when she comes to school she changed into what she wants, 100% in accordance with the schools dress code. Her parents found out about this, and have placed pressure on the administration and teachers to notify them if this happens again so they can “correct this behavior.” Some teachers decide to, I do not, and I even told the girl that I wouldn’t ever tell her parents and if she ever feels uncomfortable about anything she is always welcome to share it with me.
I thought I was being a good ”safe space”, but the girl has supposedly told her parents that I’ve encouraged her dressing. They got into a fight where she told her parents that at least I cared for and I knew her better. Her parents are LIVID with me, and they’ve demanded a meeting with the principal and other administrative staff. I told my family about this and they said it would’ve been a good idea if I had kept my mouth shut and didn’t create this position for myself. AITAH?
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As long as the kid is adhering to the school dress code you have nothing to report.
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AITAH: Not telling in laws baby was born
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My in laws are a nightmare, even my (29) wife (30F) agrees.
We have been together for five years, and I could write several books about the awful things her family has done to both of us.
My family lives close, about a five minute drive, and they are very respectful of our life and our boundaries. My parents will be watching our dogs when we go to the hospital and they will obviously know we are in labor.
My wife’s parents live far, but it’s complicated because they have a plane. Yes, it is a nice plane, it goes very fast and a 4 hour drive can be done in less than 30 minutes.
Her parents are intrusive, don’t respect boundaries, and are too cheap to get a hotel so will dominate our space. They also only eat certain foods and are disgusted if we eat red meat, even in our own home. My wife’s family stresses her out, and her mother believes that she should be in the room during labor just because she’s the mother.
I have been extremely passive with her family, but I am now starting to come out of my shell a bit. Her mom told us that when the baby is born, she would be staying with us for two weeks. I asked where she was staying cause it certainly wasn’t our house.
I truly think the only way to protect our peace is to call them after the baby is born, we are home, and have some form of an established routine in the first week of chaos. Maybe we don’t tell them for a week, or more?? This is our first kid.
AITAH?
Edit** seems like people think I am the only person making this decision, my wife and I have had many discussions and this is what she wants too.
I am speaking in me terms because I’m posting.
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If they can afford their own plane they can afford a hotel room
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AITAH for not taking my fiancé’s side? He wants my sister UNinvited to the wedding
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Im 29 F, fiance is 34 M
we invited my two sisters Remy 34/ Lara 27 over for the weekend.
Hang out, play games etc
We played Uno
My fiance seemed overly irritated by round 2 or 3. It started with me and him bickering (he was trying to say things jokingly like submit and ill let u win. I challenged him like no i shall not submit to a man.. it evolved to him calling me names and me calling him names as a mean joke from then on)
He was being annoying for rest of rounds but not enough that i can say anything. soon enough my other sister joined in bc he was being like (i will win or if he lost he says i couldve won but i chose not to which irritated the f%^ out of whoever won)
By the end of the game he was borderline angry/ and we were all tense
He kept saying he could have won and we dont know anything
My sister, 27 F who won said bs
I called bs too!
He said sth like just distribute the cards LARA!
And she kept talking back like “right u could HAVE won)
He was saying “Lara just shush and play the cards) in a warning tone not to antagonize him more and added (yes if i wanted to i would have but i was merciful to you)
She said you should’ve just went for the win then!
And he said something like im a man and u should just listen or take my word
And she said a man is a man of action not words.
And he yelled at her WHAT DID U SAY (was serious like all CAPS)
she threw the cards and said fuck ur game and left our place
while they were getting their things I went to him and said: why?
They left. He was mad at me for not siding with him (we should be a team) in front of them:)
I didnt contact her direcrly since then. Been almost 5 days.
I feel like it was my fault for allowing it to get to this level. Since i was the one who knows how chronically stressed he’s been (financially/academically/sick cats) and easily triggered these few weeks
my fiance is not forgiving her and saying she disrespected him in his house
And that she will not be invited to our weddjng UNLESS she apologizes on her own (I shouldnt prompt her).
Its killing me on the inside.
WHO IS THE AS/Hole here???
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You are seeing the red flags about if the groom should be invited dont you?
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AITAH for not helping my brother save his marriage?
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A little back story, about 9 years ago my SIL found out that my brother was having an emotional affair with a coworker. All hell broke loose but eventually she stayed with him. They purchased a home close to 15 years ago in my brother’s name. They got a 15 year mortgage and this year they should be finishing paying off their home.
A few days ago my brother contacted my mom while having a panic attack. Turns out that during the period when he was having the emotional affair, he refinanced their home and got $50K. He gave $20K to his affair partner and used $30K to purchase an AC unit, pay towards their vehicle and do home renovations.
He was hoping that my SIL would not think about the deed and he would continue to pay the mortgage for the 30 years without her noticing, but she’s recently began saying how she can’t wait to have that deed in her hands and to see the mortgage balance. So now he’s completely freaking out that if she finds out what he did she’ll divorce him.
Part of what he’s tried to “fix” the situation has been gambling to see if he could win it big, and now is practically calling my mom pretty much every day wanting her to put my parent’s (Dad min 70’s & Mom mid 60’s) home as collateral for a $100K loan so he can use that money to pay off most of the remaining $140Kish balance; for myself and my parents to cosign on a loan for that amount, for him to get a loan and us to give him at least $500 a month so he can pay the monthly bill; and the latest is for my mom to get a reverse mortgage on the home & give him that money.
For the last one my mom is worried that if she passes away, my dad & I will be left homeless and on the street. His workaround is to get a life insurance policy to help pay to keep the home if she passes. My mom is worried what if at some point my brother cannot pay the policy and then if she passes away again my dad and I could be left homeless. My brother said that him getting that policy is him thinking of us and not just about himself and that this would fix his problem. My mom is also worried about the other previous loan plans because if some point my brother couldn’t pay the loan, we could still lose the home, and with my dad retiring soon, income will be even more lessened.
Mom has been worrying and crying because she wants to help so badly but it’s just not feasible. I have student loans, a car payment, medical loans, and credit card debt so I’m no help either. We also don’t have family or close friends with that type of money who could help. We’ve told him more than once that he needs to come clean, apologize so much for what he did, admit his mistake, and do the adult and right thing, but he refuses. For him that’s not an option no matter what.
So would we be the AH for not helping my brother cover up what he did and save his marriage?
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He cheated, stole from the marriage, gambled, and now wants to risk your parents' home. Absolutely not.
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AITAH for telling my sister it’s her own fault she’s in an unhappy marriage?
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throwaway.
for some background. my husband (30M) and i (29F) have been together for 6 years, married for 3. we also have a 2 year old little girl.
now, some background on mine and my husbands relationship. he’s amazing. we own our house jointly (important for later), he did all the night feeds when our little girl was a baby, he cooks most nights, while i do the dishes. there is no ‘main’ parent, we both take care of and plan stuff for our daughter equally, chores are always split jointly with no issue. i’ve never once felt overwhelmed by housework, motherhood, or anything of the sort because my husband is so supportive and will pick up the slack if needed, and i for him.
all round we have a very healthy marriage based on love and respect for one another, and i couldn’t be more relieved and grateful for him.
now for my sister. my sister, (31F) has always had an issue with anything i find joy in/makes me happy, ever since we were kids.
if i liked a show, she’d go out of her way to ruin it for me. if i had a favourite toy, she’d find a way to ‘accidentally’ destroy it. everything i had, she either had to devalue it, or have the same but better. all our lives.
this carried over to my relationship with my husband. when we first started dating she made snide comments about how he’s ’only being nice to sleep with you’, then when our relationship progressed her comments got worse. he’s ’not a real man’ because he cooks and does housework. he’s ’not a real man’ because he doesn’t take care of all the bills at home/didn’t buy the house by himself. i’m a ‘terrible wife and mother’ because i don’t act like my husbands mum, and don’t do all the childcare alone. he’s ’probably cheating on you, or gay’ because in her eyes, no ‘real’ straight man respects their partners apparently. to her, a ‘real man’ is one who disrespects women, refuses to clean up after themselves, refuses to cook/do anything around the house. that’s the wife’s job, according to her. a stereotypical ‘alpha male’.
well, two years ago she met her now husband, and he’s an alpha male type, a ‘real man’ in her eyes. she still to this day thinks she has one up on me because of this. something she’s ‘won’, and i’ve ‘lost’.
well, she recently had a baby with him, and as you can probably imagine, she had a major reality check. that same ‘real man’ that she fantasised about is now just another child for her to take care of, on top of a newborn baby. he doesn’t help her with anything. does no cooking or cleaning, refuses to change nappies or care for the baby alone, refuses to wake up with the baby in the night.
a few weeks ago my husband and i babysat for her while she went to a doctors appointment.. while her husband SAT AT HOME because he wouldn’t look after the baby on his own.
the house they live in is also in his name only, despite my sister paying the deposit and splitting the bills up until she was due to give birth.
anyway, over the weekend we were at our parents house with our other sibling, our respective partners, and our kids.
we were inside while her husband was watching a football game in the living room with our dad, and my husband was out in the garden playing with our daughter and our brothers children. my sister, of course, passed a snarky comment about my husband being ‘weird’ for not watching football with the guys, and about me having a glass of wine while ‘someone else’ was taking care of my child for me… ‘someone else’ being her father!!
then, not even two minutes later, she started complaining about how hard it was being a mum and a wife, and how she’s so tired and can’t go anywhere without her baby anymore because her husband is ‘too scared’ to have her on her own, even for her to take a bath by herself.
now, here’s where i might be the arsehole. after the comments about my own husband she had made minutes earlier, i was pissed off. i snapped at her, telling her it’s her own fault that she’s doing this alone, and that she chose to be in a unhappy marriage with a man who brings nothing to the table, whilst simultaneously constantly berating my husband and i for having a fair and equal marriage, and that i have no pity for her situation.
this of course ended up in an argument in which my mother said i was ‘mean and cruel’ when i should be offering support to a new mum who’s having a hard time.
truthfully, i don’t care. ive offered her support, which she’s shut down, looked after her baby when her husband outright refused to, have tried the gentle approach, and her only response has been to put me and my husband down. so as far as i’m concerned, she wanted these qualities in a husband and father, belittled my husband for having actual good qualities, and now that shes got what she wanted she’s realising it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
so, aita?
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Your sister sounds like a real C U NxtTuedsay. Also why didn’t your mom chastise her for criticizing you and your husband’s relationship!?
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AITAH for bailing on my friend after I found out she allowed a +1 I can’t stand to come?
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AITA for bailing on dinner because my friend text me as Im walking out the door telling me “oh btw” our mutual friend’s bf we both can’t stand is coming?
She knows I can’t stand this dude and neither can she but she didn’t have the balls to say no, he cant join.
The group is quite small and its a sit down dinner so I can’t avoid him and really dont want to spend my time and money on a dinner in his company.
I feel bad bailing last minute, especially as I suggested this dinner….but she literally told me as I was about to walk out the door!
I feel guilty but I also dont…..AITA?
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She told you last minute for this exact reason.
Bail, feel no guilt. You're giving her the same warning she gave you
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AITAH for kissing my wife on the forehead instead of the lips because she had the flu ?
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Me (24m) and my wife (27f) are newlyweds. While we were engaged, we got developed a routine where I would kiss my wife minutes after she wakes up, as I wake up 1 or 2 hours before her.
Early December, when I woke up, I suspected that my sleeping wife was sick. She was very sweaty, her body felt warm, and she was snoring for the 1st time. I placed a thick blanket over her.
When I heard coughing from her, I figured she work up. When I entered the room, she was coughing in her hands. I bent over to kiss as she was sniffling. I kissed her on her forehead. She asked me to please don't deny her because she's sick. Then I gave her a simple peck on the lips, not a husband and wife kiss.
My wife suffered through the flu for over a week. I never got sick. She still brings up the fact that I had denied her a real kiss. She literally brought up this morning. Am I the asshole ?
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Your wife is a selfish person.
A person that cares about you would prioritize ensuring you don’t get sick rather than whatever nonsense she pulled.
Her being 27 is a surprise. Acting like she’s 16.
NTA
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AITAH? Ghosted elderly neighbor I used to help bc she yelled at me when I helped her
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AITA?
I saw an elderly lady one day on the sidewalk with a walker struggling to walk. We were on an incline and access-a-ride or whatever service she had used had just dumped her on the sidewalk and she was clearly unstable and afraid to walk unassisted to her doorway (high rise).
I parked my car and hurried to help her. She was just like sunshine and told me to call her Mama. I was delighted to learn she was my neighbor and we exchanged numbers because I wanted her to be able to call me if she needed help.
It turns out she has a lot of help - a daily aide and two daughters who live in the same city. Still, I checked on her, brought her meals, once helped her get up when she fell and the ambulance was far away, grocery shopped for her - all on my own time and expense.
Then one day I had a household emergency - very very stressful. She called extremely upset and talked at me for about 15 min without letting me say I was in an emergency. Think - something big happened in my home enough for my family to be displaced and flee to temporary housing.
She was super upset about a missing Amazon package. I only dropped what I was doing because I was worried she might make herself sick because she was having a fit.
In fact, she was so distressed that I immediately halted what I was doing (which was very important and time sensitive for my own family) to help her. I drove to her building from my temporary apartment, talked to management and alerted staff and helped look for it. This is NYC, by the way. Parking is difficult and I feel it was a big ask.
Then I went upstairs to tell her what they said.
The aide opens the door and I see Mama sitting on the couch and she yells angrily, "NOW WHAT DOES SHE WANT??? I DIDN'T ASK HER HERE, TELL HER TO GO!!!"
She was so angry, she wouldn't even look at me standing shocked in the doorway. It was so bizarre.
The sweet aide looked embarrassed and shut the door. This Mama lady didn't even deign to turn her head when she yelled. She basically treated me like a servant or pest! I had literally come at her request to help her!!! She had asked me to go search for it and I had done so just to help out.
Boy, I was so shocked and disappointed.
This reminded me of the time I looked over her abusing her aide - making snide comments like when I asked if her aide could help search for the missing package. She had snapped that the aide was "stupid" and "useless" and I had chalked it up to her being upset but now I realize the poor aide had been sitting there listening to that when I had taken the call twenty minutes prior to my arrival.
I just decided....she's not my mom. I'm not her paid caregiver. NO ONE can treat me that way. Ever.
And I, after giving so much to strangers and friends, decided to just stop doing so much for people who mistreat my goodwill.
Weeks later, I answered her phone call by accident. I kid you not - she goes on a rant about her doctor like nothing had happened. I broke in and said, "You really hurt my feelings that time I came by to help you when you yelled at me."
She said, "Oh, I was just stressed."
And before I could answer, she said, "I need some bread."
I said, "Ask your aide or daughters. I have to go."
I was polite and we hung up but some part of me is torn because she's an old lady. But I'm not a doormat.
You can't yell at me after you asked me for help and I went out of my way to help you. I did nothing to deserve that.
I plan never to answer her calls again. She only ever called me to ask me to run to the store for her and I'd always buy her fruit and staples out of my own pocket. I just felt she was one of my good deeds that I do as a silent protest to all the bad things happening in our world.
The asking for bread mid-sentence this time showed me she's just using me and I won't take abuse from anyone. Just keep my Pyrex casserole dishes as a parting gift. She never gave them back anyway.
Leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. AITAH for ghosting her?
I didn't sign up for thanks or anything. But I won't be yelled at or treated badly for no reason.
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NTA. How does the old saying go? Don't bite the hand that feeds you?
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AITAH for not letting my mom call my child “my baby”?
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Me and my wife just brought our newborn baby home from the hospital.
From the start my mother and wife never had a text book. Mother in law / Daughter in law dynamic.
Just a heads up, I’m the only one in my family that’s in an interracial relationship.
In the beginning of me and my wife’s relationship my mother straight up told my wife that she “better not baby trap her my son” My wife was shocked and hurt but still stayed because she loves me.
A month or two goes by when me and my lady had our first pregnancy scare, my mother found out of this incident because she decided to go through my jacket and found a receipt of me getting a pregnancy test. My mother flipped the out. She told my wife that either she goes on birth control or she would break up the relationship. I won’t lie at the time I was a huge mamas boy and didn’t shut that down like I should have. In the situation like this I gave my wife the out, to leave me cuz of how crazy my mother was. My lady decided to stay and she went on birth control at her own will just to be with me.
A year to 3 years would go by of my mother making comments towards my wife but my lady would fire back but not to rough. Looking back, I should’ve stepped in more when all this bs was going on.
A year later me and my wife decided to naive our relationship on to the next step, Marriage.
When I brought this up to my parents, my mother showed little to no joy of just being happy for me. Even after me telling her how much this girl meant to me.
Later on in that year me and my lady got married and oddly enough everyone attended. Which I thought was a good turning point in my life.
Well just after a few months, my wife announces that she is pregnant. My mother was excited at first. But as the pregnancy continued on she showed no interest at all. No call to check up on my wife or at least baby appointment check ups. Little to no concern for my wife or the baby.
While on the other had my mother was extremely supportive of my sister’s relationship. She’s frequently kept asking about my sister’s bf and encouraged dates, even though they were in high school and at this point have only been together for about 2/3 months.
One day when my wife was scrolling through Facebook. She stumbled upon a post my mother made specifically stating how happy she is and how proud she is that my sister is in a happy relationship. My lady was heartbroken maybe because of pregnancy hormones but at this point I had it.
I went on to Facebook to publicly confront her. I said something like “ it’s crazy that you’ll celebrate my sister’s relationship when they’ve been together for only less than 3 months and yet you’ve never once said anything about me and my wife and at this point it’s been 5 years.” You might be asking “ why didn’t you talk to her privately?” Well I did but she still didn’t change and since she loves posting so much on Facebook I met her where she thrives. She called me mean and immature for embarrassing her. Well eventually we talked it out and I figured at this point we were good to move on.
At me and my ladies gender reveal everyone who made asked me “ where’s your mom?” Well she didn’t come cuz she said “it’s not that important cuz she never had one herself” I told her that this important to me and all I needed was for her to just be there to support. Even if she thinks it’s the dumbest thing in the world.
Regardless didn’t show.
Next the baby shower. The day was going good until randomly my mother and my sis had to leave 2 hours into baby shower to take my sis to her bfs family event. My sis never came back to my baby shower but my mother came back 3 hours later. The whole time my wife and some guest kept asking “ Where’s your mom?” And this was hard to explain to people especially my wife.
As the due date got closer my mother finally started to show interest in baby. Asking if my wife needed anything.
Well when the day came of my child’s arrival it was a nice touching moment which I thought was the end to this whole fiasco. Especially between my mom and ladies relationship.
Once we came home from the hospital and we finally got baby settled down. Two weeks gone by and I wanted to take my kid south to go see my side of the family. This was also a good chance to see the healthier role my mother can play as a grandma.
While visiting my mother kept referring to my kid as “my baby” . My lady didn’t take a liking to this. Especially due to my mother’s track record of disrespect towards my lady.
So I decided to finally set my first boundary with my mother. I told my mom she can’t say “my baby”. My mother was acting like a child. She kept ignoring me and finally on the third attempt to get her attention. I told her this is the first boundary because she never supported my wife, didn’t attend my gender reveal, left mid way of my baby shower (3 hours), and only now showed interest when baby is finally here.
My mother was super upset with me and she said that I really hurt her feelings.
I said that words do matter, especially after being dismissed and neglected and that now I’m prioritizing my wife and kid. It’s my story now, not yours.
AITAH?
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Other than the fact that there's a baby involved.
Why did you think anything would change?
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AITAH for laughing at my best friend when he said blonde hair makes a woman look smelly ?
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Me (19f) and my best friend (20m) were at lunch. Another friend (19f) wanted me to see if my bestie would date her. My bestie said he's not attracted to her. I asked why and he said promise not to tell her the real reason. I promised.
He said when he thinks of blonde hair, he thinks of summer, then thinks of sweat. He said blonde hair makes him have a mental picture that the woman is smelly. I started laughing in the diner, gathering some attention. He told me to stop laughing and he said it's not funny. That he knows it's irritational but that's how his mind works. I was having a hard time not laughing especially since he told me stop laughing. I kept on laughijg. He got up and stormed off. He's not answering me on social media nor the phone. Am I the asshole ?
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Are they neuro divergent by any chance? I've grown up surrounded by spectrum positive folks from whom I have heard similar pickiness with regard to potential partners.
Also eew stinky colors.
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MIL wants to see to personalized notes on thank you cards for my baby’s 1st birthday party aitah
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I made thank you cards with pics of my daughter from the party and a general message saying thank you for coming to celebrate with us. When we opened gifts we wrote down the names of who bought them and what they got so I can write personalized notes.
I finally got them in the mail and I asked her to send me the addresses of the family from her side so I can mail them out. She sent it to me and then asked me to send her back a picture of the notes I write.
This greatly irritated me and I don’t plan on replying or showing them to her. But i know she’ll be facetiming to talk to the baby soon and i know she’s going to ask again. Not sure what i would say as its not that big a deal but she tends to overstep and I’m over it. AITAH for this or does anyone else feel me? Lol
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Oh oops it's too bad you forgot to take pictures before mailing them out 😇
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AITAH for telling my brother in law he should have spoke to me before asking my toddler not to do something?
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My brother in law is staying with us currently, I am a stay at home mom to my 3.5 yr old. I was upstairs with my toddler trying to do some cleaning/organizing, while my toddler was playing around and goofing off. My brother in law was downstairs. My son has been really into stomping his feet and pretending to be a dinosaur/monster lately and thats what he was doing. We are upstairs so in hindsight I imagine it sounded pretty loud underneath, I wasnt paying it much mind at the time because he was having fun and I was getting things done. But my brother in law starts calling up the stairs for my son trying to get his attention, my son then runs and hides (in a playful way not fearful) so my brother in law has to come upstairs to talk to him.
I didn't know what he was wanting to talk to him about but could tell his vibe was off, he proceeds to tell my son to not stomp anymore because its really loud and its "not nice" It sounds silly saying this, it doesnt sound like a big deal, but I can't describe the tone of his voice, it wasn't particularly angry, he didn't yell, but there was something in his tone that even I didn't like. But I cant put my finger on it. Anyways, my brother in law goes back downstairs and I notice my son is now crying. So spend a few minutes comforting him and then redirect him. Then I start stewing, and not being entirely sure why. But then when i couldnt keep quiet I say to my brother in law that he should really talk to me before "reprimanding" my son for something. I think reprimanding was the wrong word choice, he rebuttled with he was just asking him to stop-he didn't use and angry voice afterall-I could tell he was annoyed with me and he was being very defensive.
I didn't really say much because I didn't know what to say. I think I just kind of said "well still". I was mad I guess that my son was having a good time and now he was sad. If he had talked to me about it I could have talked to my son myself if I knew it was bothering him and it probably could have been done without it resulting in him crying. Instead it felt like he skirted by me and was trying to police my son. There's been instances before where I've gotten irritated because he's tried to tell my son he can't have something or can't do something (for no apparent reason other than control?) that I or his dad had no issue with him having or doing so this felt more of the same. Except in this instance my son's actions were directly affecting him, I still feel he should have let me know if it was bothering him though. Its been hours and its still bothering me with the way he reacted to me saying he should talk to me first so I guess I need to know if I came off as the asshole.
EDIT: I feel that I should add for some of the people that think otherwise, my kid is VERY well behaved and is an absolute sweetheart, he doesnt walk all over me lol and if I set a boundary he is generally pretty good at respecting that boundary. But we are used to having the house to ourselves and being free to make noise and it did not occur to me at the time it was happening that it would be bothersome for my BIL.
EDIT: BIL does not have a job and is not wfh, this was in fact the middle of the day doing after lunch cleaning
EDIT: For any more people that want to comment "I wasnt parenting my kid so BIL had to" I just want to highlight that AGAIN I didn't know it was bothersome, it hasnt been brought up before, how can I parent my kid to all of a sudden behave differently in his own home because it bothers someone who's there and I dont even know that its bothering them?
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YTA.
It’s completely normal to feel protective of your kid, especially when someone else steps in. That part makes sense.
At the same time, by your own account, the stomping was loud and directly affecting someone else in the house. That’s one of those moments where it probably would’ve helped if you’d stepped in first. When parents don’t address something that’s bothering others, it puts everyone else in an awkward position — either they say something, or they just have to tolerate it.
Your brother-in-law didn’t yell or insult your son; he asked him to stop doing something that was disruptive. The reaction (your son crying) doesn’t automatically mean he did something wrong — toddlers cry when they’re corrected, even gently.
Being defensive of your child is understandable, but if you expect others not to intervene, it also means taking ownership of setting boundaries yourself. Otherwise, you’re kind of setting your kid up for situations where corrections come from people who aren’t you, and that’s usually harder on them.
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I shared a video with family of my cousin’s husband doing shady things. AITAH?
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I live in the same house as my cousin (F 60) and her husband (M 56).
They have constantly been abusive to me by accusing me of stealing money and telling me that they wish I would just kill myself. So I had turned to isolating myself in my bedroom and had a camera installed so that when they do these things they are recorded for me to take as evidence to the courts.
I didn’t always have time to sift through hours of footage every day so there things that I missed that happened while I was not home.
But I’ve been searching for evidence of them entering my room and searching through my stuff mostly because my highly scheduled pain and ADHD medication have gone missing.
I see an occasion time stamped in November 2025 where my cousins husband comes into my room rummages in my laundry basket and then through the through the pile of worn clothes on my chair, he then proceeds to smell my dirty underwear and then photograph it.
I told his wife what I saw him doing and she proceeded to shout at me that I’m dirty and disgusting and I should wash my underwear straight away in the shower and not leave it laying around my room for everyone to see.
I told her that my untidiness is not an excuse for such a disgusting invasion of privacy. She continued to blame me and started shouting and swearing at me which I proceeded to record as a VN to one of my friends on Whatsapp.
I then proceeded to post the video of him on our family WhatsApp group. With the caption: Look at our local family pervert! And then I also forwarded the voice note of her swearing at me to the group.
After about half an hour I was removed from the family group. AITAH?
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nta
Good you exposed him, what a creep!
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AITAH for allowing my niece to stay with my husband and I temporarily?
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My niece is 19 and there is a 9 year difference between my niece and I and a nine year difference between my sister and I her being older. My sister is upset because she believes my husband and I are bad influences because of our differing views on how to live or as my mom put it “our political party” and for the record we don’t even align with the political party my family says we are. She also believes we are bad influences because we drink at family gatherings and support the use of medical MJ. Just because we do these things doesn’t mean we would allow my niece to she is only 19. Other than that I’m not sure if there is anything else this is just what my mom said.
On top of that she is upset because my niece decided to change colleges to a college that my husband and I are attending and that my sister and her husband did not approve of her going to when she applied during high school. Now my niece is staying with us until she can get housing at her new university. We live close to the university and staying with her parents without a way to get there would be difficult. Plus they told her she cannot have her own room because of her younger siblings which she felt was necessary for getting homework done.
Her next best bet would be to live with my parents and to just deal with them having a set curfew and backlash if she can’t follow the rules of their house. She already stayed with them over summer break and got a taste of what that was like. She also worked the night shift at her job during that time. At my house we don’t require her to be home at a certain time just that she be safe and aware of her surroundings and give a text if she’s gonna be out super late. We ask that she be mindful of food so we can all keep track of when we run out of something and that she helps keep the house clean.
My mom called me to tell me that she can feel the tension building because we welcomed her into our home and that we didn’t tell anyone that she was staying with us. We left it up to her to tell people. My mom doesn’t want any fighting between me and my sister. My sister said that I crossed the line by allowing her daughter to stay with us. She said to my niece that she doesn’t want us around her kids and she would be happier if she and her kids could stay in her own little bubble. My sister never talks to me about things that bother her and always tells my parents and from what I’ve heard she talks to many other people about what I do that bothers her which makes this really hard to understand what I did that bothered her. So, AITAH? Was it my responsibility to inform my family that she was staying with me?
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NTA, but kindly your family is crazy. Good tor you for helping your niece.
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AITAH for unintentionally getting my coworker fired?
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I (30M) work as a finisher is cabinet making, I started last August and have been in this feild for about 6 years. I mostly work alone as its a woodshop and the other people here are usually covered in dust, sawdust and debris so outside of my booth day to day I don't really see what's going on.
About 3 months before I started here there was another new hire who I'll call Sam. Sam works as the sander/primer and preps all the parts before I put a final coat of paint on them. He is just out of school for carpentry / cabinet making. For the first few months everything went great.
One day I got an entire kitchen order sent back to me because the customer wasn't happy, I looked over the parts and could clearly see why and this started happening more and more frequently. My boss seemed to think that all the problems were coming from my end. I tweaked a bunch of stuff in how I preform my work and the set up I have to try and mitigate all these issues. This job has been great for myself and my family and I really did not want anything to jeopardize it.
After about a month of all this happening I contacted a consultant who has been in the field for a lot longer than I have to review how I'm doing my job. After a few hours he determined that I was doing well with my work and decided to look into other factors of what might be happening in the shop.
He went over to see how the prep work was operating (priming and sanding) and found that he was doing his work completly wrong and relayed all the information over to my boss. I'm not really sure what happened after that as I stated before that I'm usually isolated by myself in my own work area but I know that coworker was let go shortly after.
I feel bad because I know where I'm living everything is getting more expensive to just live a normal life and my only intention was to secure my job and had no intentions in someone else losing their job over this.
So, am I the asshole for this?
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You did nothing to him. You did your job. He didn't do his and apparently your boss didn't think he was coachable
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AITAH for prioritizing my finances over my relationship?
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My (37f) boyfriend (39m) have known each other for about a year and a half. Early last year he confided in me that his credit score was “not good”. I have always prided myself on having a good one and with managing my money correctly in general. He asked if he could be put as an authorized user on my card. I was hesitant initially because he is an entrepreneur and didn’t have a full-time job (still doesn’t). He said that I could keep the card in my files and he didn’t need to use it, it was just to help his credit score. I relented. At the same time this was all happening, he was also doing some work on my house. He would borrow my credit card when he needed to go buy things and then leave my card in his unlocked car. When the new card came, I told him to just use it for my house things as I was tired of asking for my card back continuously. As time went on, he found out the card gave me better cash back on restaurants so it then became the go to card when we went out to eat and he would just pay me back as needed. That slowly evolved into him using it every time he went to a restaurant (with or without me) and then for basically everything in his life. He did always pay me back, but I always had to remind him.
About 8 months ago I was in a car accident. I was hit while sitting at a stop light and pushed into the car in front of me. My car ended up being totaled. Since my accident, I have been borrowing my mom’s vehicle. It’s rather old with lots of miles, but since I work from home I’m not putting too many miles on it. Thankfully my parents are retired and can mostly manage with one car, but we are all getting tired of me borrowing it.
Recently, I started car shopping because I received the payout from my insurance. I hadn’t fully decided yet what I wanted because I like to research things. Around this same time, my boyfriend tells me there an international conference he might go to so he can pitch his idea for his dream company he wants to have. A week or more later, it starts becoming more possible for him and he’s telling me everything is coming together and if it does, he’s jumping on a plane that weekend. That weekend, my best friend comes to visit. We are out shopping and having fun and he calls me. He’s asking if he can use the credit card to purchase the fully refundable plane tickets. He tells me he’s currently just waiting on two things. The wire transfer from the people (investors) paying for this trip for him and his colleague and confirmation from the host that they will be able to join in this conference once they arrive. After confirming that he can cancel the tickets, I agree to it. He texts me later that he’s still waiting to hear from the host. At this point, I assume (yes, I should never assume) the wire transfer is confirmed as he never mentioned it again.
When he returned, I didn’t see him much because he was sick and ultimately got me sick, but I was checking my emails late one night and saw that my credit card statement had dropped and it was for about $7550. I was in shock. The next day I texted him about it asking why he didn’t pay it off when he returned like he told me he would. He responded with, “I’m waiting on a wire from the investor. This is my priority today.” It was my day off and I had errands to run, but he texted me later in the day and asked me to call him. I did. The investor had decided to tell him in their meeting they weren’t going to give him the money. I kept calm as he explained that he would keep trying to find someone to pay me back, but I was angry and he knew it.
A few days later he came over and told me he wanted to just listen and let me talk. So, I did. I told him:
1-it was irresponsible to do that with someone else’s money
2-that he had told me that he was waiting on the wire transfer before he went so I was confused why he left before it was confirmed
3-how my credit score had dropped 22 points because of this
4-how angry I was with him because I now had to pay it off or let it sit there gaining interest while my credit score continued to suffer.
5-how I needed to use that money for a down payment on a car and I needed a high credit score to get a better rate to make sure I could afford the payments
6-reminded him of his promise he made to me before that he would never cause me any financial issues due to his business
He told me it was his priority to get me paid back by an investor (he doesn’t have the money to spare). He also asked me if I wanted to hear how he would handle this situation if it was reversed. After agreeing, he basically said that if it was reversed, he would be more worried about making sure our relationship was ok, than worrying about just a car. He then gave me the following example: “If you had taken my car out and gotten into an accident, I would be more concerned about if you were ok and then if we were ok, not about the car.” I told him that it wasn’t the same scenario and he basically just changed the subject. He did also tell me that he knew the money wasn’t being wired before he left and he knew when they got back that it was still “in the works” but didn’t want to worry me. I asked him, “if I hadn’t seen the email about my statement, when would you have told me?” He didn’t really have an answer.
About a week, and a few arguments later, I told him I wanted to go on a break. That was about two and a half weeks ago now. During this time since our first talk, he has proclaimed me as the love of his life, implied multiple times that I don’t have any faith in him (literally I’ve been his biggest cheerleader through our relationship), tried to break boundaries I’ve set regarding the break, asked if I wanted to be with someone else (I told him absolutely not), told me he should get some grace because of the house projects he’s done for me, and continued to imply I’m a bad partner for being so upset about the money for a car. I even told him at one point, it’s not specifically about a car, it’s about my freedom. I literally had to ask my mom if I could use her car to drive a few hours away for a weekend with my bestie. I also told him that this financial issue isn’t the only thing wrong with our relationship and that we need to discuss those things also before actually getting back together because they’ve kind of been swept under the rug. When he asked what I was talking about, I told him a few things we had recently fought about and he just said, “oh, those” like I was bringing up items on a grocery list.
I do also want to clarify, if he had asked me to loan him the money, this would be a whole different scenario. I already gave him a loan at one point because he needed some help and he paid me back. I do also understand he didn’t do this on purpose to hurt me.
I just want to know if I am being the asshole in the situation for not just forgiving him and working through this.
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NTA He played you. Time to move on.
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AITAH for wanting to cut off my biological father after he ignored my engagement and only contacted me after a mass casualty attack?
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Backstory: I (25F) was conceived via IVF. My biological father left my mum while she was pregnant after having an affair. He was not involved in my childhood at all. We moved interstate when I was 7 and he never visited or called, even when we lived close by.
My mum later met the man I’ve called my dad for the last 21 years. He raised me, showed up, and is my real father in every way that matters.
Ironically, my biological father has helped raise multiple step-children since leaving, so he’s clearly capable of being present, just not for me lol.
His mother (my nan) has always been wonderful and consistently involved in my life, which is part of what makes this complicated. She created a family group chat that includes my biological father, but that’s essentially the only “communication” we have. He never messages me directly and only acknowledges me if someone else speaks first.
When I was 15, I asked my nan to stop referring to him as “dad” because I already had a dad. She respected that and still does.
Mid 2025, I got engaged. I called my nan first, and she encouraged me to tell my biological father. I didn’t want to, but figured a quick phone call wouldn’t hurt. I FaceTimed him and it rang out. He never returned the call.
Later, I posted a photo of my ring in the family group chat. He didn’t respond or react. I then announced my engagement on social media. He didn’t like or comment on anything, despite us being connected.
Months later, my cousin mentioned to him that I had tried calling. He claimed he “never got the call” and said he’d have called me back if he had. And then had the hide to say he was excited for the wedding. This led to my cousin questioning whether I even had the right number. I did.
Despite me calling, posting in the group chat, posting publicly and him being told verbally he has still never acknowledged my engagement.
I didn’t invite him to my engagement party. He said nothing. My birthday came around cheeky HB in the chat and thats it.
For context of this next part I work in emergency services.
In early December, there was a mass casualty attack in the district I work in that made international headlines (I’m okay). The very next day, my biological father DM’d me saying he was glad I was safe. This was the first direct message I’d received from him since my 21st birthday.
From my perspective, it took a literal mass casualty event for him to reach out.
Around this time, my nan suggested I call him for Father’s Day, which she has never done before. I explained honestly that I don’t see him as a father and told her about the engagement situation. She was shocked and said she had no idea, and she’s respected my feelings since.
At this point, I don’t want to see his name on my phone at all. I haven’t formally blocked him, but I plan to stop engaging entirely and move on with my life with my actual dad (my stepdad), who has always shown up for me.
The only reasons I’ve hesitated to cut him off completely are:
1. He’s wealthy, unmarried and I’m his only biological child. I know this is shallow, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a factor.
2. Maintaining a relationship with my nan, who still talks about him regularly and doesn’t see him the way I do.
So, AITAH for wanting to cut off my biological father after a lifetime of neglect, ignoring major milestones, and only reaching out when it suited him?
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Don’t block him, don’t call him. Don’t expect him to be anything genuine. Accept him as a distant relative whose you don’t interact. Wait for your inheritance.
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UPDATE: AITAH for Wanting my step siblings in new home
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First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I read everything even the comments that were hard to hear. A lot of people told me to talk to a trusted adult instead of keeping everything bottled up, so that’s what I did.
I waited a few days first to see if my mom’s behavior would change on its own after I told her how left out I felt. It didn’t. Nothing changed.
So I reached out to my uncle my dad’s cousin. He’s the adult I’m closest to on my dad’s side, and he’s always been there for me since my dad passed. I told him everything. About the wedding, the gala, feeling replaced, feeling like I’m slowly losing my place in my own family. He was shocked. He told me very clearly that if I’m not comfortable in this blended family situation, my mom should not be rushing into marriage. He said either the wedding should be postponed until I’m okay with everything, or serious changes need to happen. He also said that if I genuinely feel unsafe or emotionally pushed aside, then moving out to live with my dad’s parents is a valid option not a betrayal.
He suggested a full family meeting. So this weekend, there will be a meeting with my mom, my grandparents from my dad’s side, and my aunts and uncles. I’m going to say everything I’ve been holding in calmly, but honestly. As for what’s been happening since my last post… things honestly hurt even more.
Last week, my mom went shopping again multiple times and I was excluded every single time. She came home with bags full of stuff, but not one thing for me. I’m not even mad about the money. It’s the message that hurt. Then yesterday was the gala.
She went to their place in the afternoon and didn’t come back. They posted tons of photos family photos her, her fiancé, and his kids. Everyone smiling. Everyone looking complete. No one checked how I was doing. No one thought about how it might feel for me. She still hasn’t really addressed it properly. I'm not saying my mom's love for me changed, She still loves me and kind towards me takes care of me but her priority is changed
At this point, I’ve realized something important about myself im not ready to share my only parent.
That doesn’t mean I hate my mom. It doesn’t mean I want her to be lonely forever. It means I’m a kid who already lost one parent and isn’t ready to emotionally lose the other one too. So I’ve decided where my boundaries are. if she goes through with this marriage as things are now, I won’t stay in that house. I will move in with my grandparents on my dad’s side. If that means she gives up custody, then that’s what it means. I’m not doing this to punish her I’m doing it to protect myself.
I’m not okay with his kids being in my home constantly y mom “momming” them while I feel invisible Being told I’m a priority while actions say otherwise if she can’t choose both being a wife and protecting my place as her son then I won’t sacrifice my mental health to make this work.
And for the people who said I’m selfish for not wanting to “share” my mom Ask yourself this
Will my future stepdad share his wealth, lifestyle, and opportunities equally with all four of us? Will I suddenly have the same access, same treatment, same world as his biological kids? Because if the answer is no, then don’t tell me love and sacrifice only go one way. I didn’t ask for this situation. I didn’t ask for my dad to die. I didn’t ask for a blended family. I’m just trying to survive changes that feel way bigger than me. I still love my mom.
But I won’t disappear to make her new life easier.
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I’m sorry your mother is so selfish.
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AITAH for telling my family I won’t attend gatherings anymore if they keep making comments about my life choices?
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every family gathering becomes an opportunity for my family members to talk to me about my career, finance, and lifestyle. Every time, I’ve complained to them that it makes me very uncomfortable. However, they claimed that I am too sensitive. In our last family gathering, I told them that if they don’t stop, I wouldn’t be coming to family gatherings anymore. Now, they aptly criticized me for acting dramatic and inconsiderate.
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Boundaries are important. My family has constantly questioned me based on religious or what they call moral reasons. Probably taken roughly 25 years to get to a point of what I find acceptable. They never liked the girls I dated nor the friends I hung out with. Things are good now but you can’t ever get comfortable and must be willing to continue to reinforce your boundaries. If your family is like mine, they act this way cause you or I have let them get away with it in the past. Really up to us what we will put up with.
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AITAH for not wanting to give a colleague lifts to/from work?
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The issue I’m querying is whether I’m the a**hole for not wanting to give a colleague a lift to and from work.
We both live relatively near each other, basically about 10 minutes out of my way on my route home. Our place of work is 25 miles away and our working hours line up most of the time though we work for different parts of the business.
It started when we were on a work social and a third party mentioned that I lived near to her. I was the duty driver on that night out. They asked on the night whether I could drive them home, I politely declined as I was leaving early due to family commitments the following day.
The third party then passed my number to my colleague who asked whether I could take them in during recent inclement weather. I did so for two days due to no public transport running which normally can get them there and home most of the time.
Fast forward a few weeks and I’ve come out to find them waiting in reception for me as I exit the building. Particularly on our late night finishes. I’ve told them that my good will has limits but she went through her line manager with a complaint that I was leaving a female to make her way home alone on public transport late at night. There is nothing work wise compelling me to do anything in respect of her passage home and I’ve told the company as much.
Am I being an a**hole here?
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nta!
Especially on late nights, I wouldn't want to take even a 5 minute diversion from my home route. You aren't her driver.
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AITAH for refusing to let my boyfriend’s aunt stay at our house?
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I (28F) have been living with my boyfriend (30M) for about five years. Two years ago, we moved to France (we are Portuguese) so he could be closer to his family and so we could build a better life.
In December 2025, we rented a two-bedroom house because my boyfriend has a daughter who lives in Portugal with her mother, and we wanted her to have her own room when she visits during holidays.
Last week, my boyfriend’s mother told us that her family (her mother, two sisters, one sister’s husband, and their two kids) would be coming to spend the weekend of her birthday in March. I asked where everyone would be sleeping, and she said they would all stay at her place, even though there isn’t much space.
That’s when my boyfriend, without talking to me first, told his mother that one of his aunts (who is single) could stay at our house since we have a spare bedroom. I was furious.
For context, my boyfriend’s family rarely calls to check in on us. On his birthday, they usually just post a “happy birthday” on Facebook. They constantly talk badly about everyone (including their own family), call my boyfriend fat since he gained weight after moving to France, and think it’s funny.
My boyfriend avoids conflict and never tells them he’s uncomfortable, which really frustrates me because I’m the complete opposite.
I’ve never liked that side of his family (except for his mom, stepdad, and siblings). His dad passed away in 2017 and his mom remarried. They’ve also commented on my weight (yes, I know, I have mirrors at home), and overall I don’t think they’re kind or trustworthy people.
Today we went to my boyfriend’s mom’s house, and he again said his aunt could stay with us. I said no — this was never discussed between us, and I simply don’t want anyone staying in our home. I would consider it if they were nice people, but they aren’t.
My boyfriend’s stepdad joked that the aunt wouldn’t mind staying with us for a whole month, and I replied, “not even if you paid me.” I know that was a mistake.
My boyfriend got upset with me, and I think his mom did too. When we got home, I explained again why I don’t want anyone staying over, especially knowing how I feel about that part of his family.
He disagreed, saying that the comments don’t bother him, that he doesn’t want to cause drama over something that’s “just a weekend,” and that my comment at his mom’s house was inappropriate because she was visibly uncomfortable.
In the end, we agreed that no one would stay at our house.
Now I’m wondering: AITA for refusing to let his aunt stay with us and for how I reacted? Was I being too harsh, or are my reasons valid?
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NTA. Reasons valid. Ask them why you should allow someone that has not made any effort to befriend you, treat you kindly and has done the exact opposite to you, stay in your home and expect hospitality from you and see what they say.
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WIBTAH for wanting to end my Marriage that feels like a chore, and I don't know if I'm overreacting
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Hiiiii guys, I need advice or help or whatever it may be. I'm 28(F) and recently married in 2025 to my 35(M) husband. I feel like our relationship may be fizzing out, and I don't know if we moved too fast or what the issue is.
Some context: We got married, and I have no kids of my own, but he does from previous marriages (he's been married twice before me). In the beginning, he gave me everything I ever wanted, but now his attention and efforts have shifted. We both work demanding jobs with long hours, and I have a MIL and family-in-law from hell. Despite all this, I continue to love and support him.
Here's what's got me worried:
1. He recently removed my access from his phone after I found some incriminating messages that made me feel uneasy. It seemed like he was nostalgic for his exes and complained about my snooping (I've been given reasons to snoop in the past, but that's a whole other story).
2. I'm never included in family-related things, and most of the time, I feel sidelined and like I'm just being dragged along in plans or decisions.
3. His devices get more attention than I do. Our conversations are short, and he barely touches me anymore. If we do talk, it's about insignificant things, and we both cut the conversation short.
4. The intimacy is still there, but it's not as regular as it used to be. I've also expressed my desire to have a child of my own, but it's been a struggle.
I've tried talking to him about how I feel, but I've been dismissed. I don't know what to do. It's hard to walk away, but it's a fight to stay too. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
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NTA - this is why you are wife #3.
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AITAH for disengaging from my friend group on a graduation trip and effectively ending the friendships?
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I (23F) went on a two-week graduation trip with four other women (all early 20s). We traveled through three European countries by train, starting in Spain and ending in Germany.
Before the trip, we tried to be organized and fair. Each of us “took charge” of a city/country and presented a PowerPoint itinerary. We discussed and modified plans together so everyone agreed ahead of time, with the goal of avoiding conflict during the trip.
**Group dynamic background:**
I had known one girl, Ava, for about five years, but we were never very close — more than acquaintances, less than close friends. Ava’s best friend is Veronica, her college roommate. The other two girls were also closer friends with Ava and Veronica, and I was introduced to them through that connection.
Even before the trip, I often felt like an outsider. The group revolved around Veronica’s opinions, Ava consistently backed her, and the rest followed along. There were lots of inside jokes I wasn’t part of. I also had the feeling I was included partly because splitting costs was cheaper and because I’m introverted and not confrontational.
**During the trip:**
From the start in Spain, I felt invisible. No one asked for my opinions, and when I did share them, they were usually overridden in favor of what Veronica wanted. While walking around, people paired off and I was frequently left walking behind alone. I stayed quiet because we had already agreed on the plans and I didn’t want to cause tension.
Things escalated when we reached the city I was in charge of.
They followed my plan for exactly one day. On the second day, they had a separate conversation without me and decided to change plans to spend hours at a café — something I had already adjusted the itinerary around earlier. I was fine with the change itself, but I was hurt that I wasn’t included in the discussion and was only told last minute on the way to the train station.
Later that day, I took them to a viewpoint that involved walking up stairs and inclined streets (not a hike through nature — just urban climbing). Because of earlier delays, we were losing daylight, so I tried to keep a steady pace. Veronica started complaining loudly about “why we had to hurry” and questioning the plan. She was the only one complaining.
For context, throughout the trip, whenever things didn’t go her way, Veronica would redirect attention to herself — including once claiming a medical emergency that she quickly “recovered” from once we suggested going to the ER.
After multiple complaints, I finally snapped and said that this *was* the agreed-upon plan and that we were already running out of time. She responded by telling me to “just go by yourself.” So I did. The rest of the group stayed with her and eventually came up later.
After that, I emotionally disengaged and started exploring on my own instead of forcing myself into a group where I felt unwanted.
**The next day:**
I had made a lunch reservation months in advance. While separated, the group decided (again without me) not to go and instead eat somewhere Veronica wanted. I went along with them. When my reservation time came up and I asked about it, they told me they weren’t going and said I could go alone and they’d pay the cancellation fee.
I chose to explore alone instead. No one checked on me.
That evening, we had plans to go out. I texted asking where they were eating so we could walk together. When I arrived, there was no seat for me — the restaurant was full, and they hadn’t told the server an extra person was coming, despite knowing I was on my way. They were already dressed to go out while I was still in travel clothes. I said I’d go back to the Airbnb to change.
I hadn’t eaten dinner because I thought we were eating together. After changing, I texted again and was told they had already finished and were walking to the next bar. I took an Uber to meet them.
When I arrived, no one spoke to me. I was ignored entirely. Two strangers joined the group and introduced themselves; Ava introduced everyone — except me. She skipped right over me. At the next bar, I was still completely excluded.
I finally asked for the apartment key and said I was going back. I told them I’d leave the key in the lockbox.
Ava and another girl, Bianca, chased after me asking why I was leaving. I told them I felt ignored and invisible all night. They said they had wanted to talk to me about the earlier conflict, but because I had separated from the group, they “didn’t get the chance.”
I explained that I felt unheard the entire trip and that the group always revolved around Veronica. Ava responded by accusing me of being jealous of her friendship with Veronica. Bianca mostly stayed silent. I was crying from frustration and told them the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, then walked back to the apartment alone at 1 a.m. (I stayed on the phone with a friend in the UK for safety.)
**After that:**
No one spoke to me the next day. When we reached the next country (which Veronica was in charge of), I chose to do my own thing entirely. We spent two days there. I had an early flight home (as planned), and no one was awake, so I texted the group wishing them safe travels. No one replied.
No one reached out afterward.
A month later, Bianca texted saying they “knew I tried my best to accommodate everyone,” that it was “unfortunate the trip wasn’t what I wanted,” and wished me luck in my future. It felt like an obligation text or a goodbye, not an attempt to fix anything.
I replied reiterating that I felt unheard and wished her well. There’s been no contact since.
**AITA for disengaging from the group during the trip and effectively ending the friendships?**
Edit: For those of you asking, ppt was NOT my idea. It was Ava’s idea as well as Veronica’s. They took it very seriously
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What friendships were there to begin with? Nta
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AITAH for refusing to take care of a sick relative after they treated me poorly?
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A few months ago, my cousin, who I’ve had a complicated relationship with for years, fell seriously ill. In the past, they have often been rude, dismissive, and at times manipulative toward me. Despite this, when I heard they were sick, I considered helping out. Friends and family immediately assumed I would step in, and I felt some pressure to do so.
When I offered to help in small ways at first, like running errands or bringing food, my cousin reacted as if I owed them more. They reminded me of past mistakes I had made years ago, even ones I had apologized for, and framed them as reasons why I wasn’t trustworthy. This pattern repeated several times, and I began to feel drained and anxious at the thought of taking on full caregiving responsibilities.
Eventually, they asked me directly to take care of them at home while they recovered. I explained that I couldn’t commit to full-time care due to my own work, family obligations, and mental health. I suggested alternatives, like hiring a professional caregiver or asking other relatives who had fewer responsibilities, but this was dismissed by my family. They said I should put my cousin first, and some criticized me for being “uncaring” or “unhelpful.”
I decided to stick to my boundaries. I still check in occasionally and offer small gestures of support, but I refused to take on full caregiving responsibilities. My cousin continues to recover with professional help, and my family is divided about my decision.
I feel confident in prioritizing my own well-being, but some relatives are insisting I’m in the wrong. I want to know if I’m actually the asshole for refusing to take care of someone who treated me poorly in the past.
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You’re not obligated to sacrifice your mental health for someone who treated you badly for years. You tried to help in reasonable ways and were met with reproaches. It’s normal to set boundaries when a situation starts to affect you.
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AITAH for not wanting to wear jewelry with my partners name on it. (I also never wear jewelry to begin with).
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Started as what I thought was a simple interaction of my GF asking me if I thought a pinky ring was cute that could have her name on it. I Told her that I'm glad she likes it but she knows I don't really wear jewelry (which she knows) and that even if I did find jewelry I liked, I don't like the idea of wearing a significant other on jewelry.
I assured her that I loved her all the same and it's not because of her I simply wouldn't put anyone's name on my body, much less on jewelry I never wear.
This turned into her saying that I don't want girls to know her name when I'm not with her and that I'm unfaithful because I don't wanna entertain this idea.
I then was completely honest after assuring her more that I loved her that I feel as though people wearing their significant others names is akin to me personally as a dog wearing a collar and I just can't see it any other way and that I loved her all the same and I trusted her fully. At this point she's saying she doesn't want my name on her either.
This turned into her switching up and saying she always wanted matching jewelry with someone for sentimental reasons and she guesses it won't be with me. I told her I would go with her to look at stuff and of course buy something matching/engraved with her if it's important, I just probably won't wear it (cause again, I don't like jewelry with names on it). To this she says there's no point if I'm not wearing it.
AITAH?
Edit: we are both 28 🙃
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>This turned into her saying that I don't want girls to know her name when I'm not with her and that I'm unfaithful because I don't wanna entertain this idea.
That's just nonsense.
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AITAH for siding with one brother over another?
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I have two brothers that live together, and they live with one of their girlfriends. Let’s call them bro1 and bro2. Today they called me up asking for advice because they can’t agree on something. Bro2 wants a friend / potential gf to visit them and stay with them for a week. This girl lives in a different country and would be flying for 6 hours one way to come visit. Bro2 is planning to pay for her flight.
Bro1 and his gf feel uncomfortable with a stranger staying with them for that long. They are trying to figure out a way to let Bro1 have this girl visit, but in a way that would make them more comfortable. Examples we all discussed when brainstorming this include the girl staying for 3 days instead of a week, bro1 and his gf going away somewhere to avoid the situation, and bro2 paying for a hotel for this girl.
Ultimately, it doesn’t seem that bro1 and gf are going to be comfortable with this person visiting and staying for a week. Bro1 feels like a No should outweigh a Yes because it is crossing a boundary they aren’t comfortable with. Bro2 feels like he pays for equal parts of the rent and should be able to have this person stay with them. Her flying 6 hours one way and 6 hours back doesn’t sound worth it for 3 days. Bro2 doesn’t want to pay for a hotel when they have a place she could stay.
Here were my thoughts on it. Someone staying with you that you barely know for a week doesn’t seem that long to me? Also, I feel like is it really that big a difference if someone stays with you for 3 days or a week? If bro2 knows her, I’d trust his judgment on that. I understand why people wouldn’t want someone staying an extended period of time, but I feel like this is different than when a roommate moves in a partner that isn’t paying rent. This person can’t visit regularly to stay there long enough for this to be on the same level of concern if they lived closer together, and Bro2 and her could see each other all the time. Bro1 seems like he wants to be accommodating, but I think me and bro2 feel like it would be more of a hindrance to bro2 and his guest to cut the trip short or get a hotel than to let this person into your space for more days. If you’re already accepting the uncomfortability of this person visiting, why does it matter if it’s 3 or 7 days?
So what do you think? AITAH for siding with bro2? Is bro1 or bro2 an AH?
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NTA
If Bro 2 pays equal parts of the rent he has every right to invite a friend over to stay for a week.
I understand bro 1 and gf perspective. Tell them to just lock their bedrooms doors for a week whenever leaving the house.
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AITAH for Keeping My Ex Blocked After He Spiraled Publicly?
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My ex and I broke up after a relationship where he was extremely emotionally dependent on me. He needed constant reassurance and contact, spiraled if I didn’t respond quickly, and relied on me to calm his panic attacks. He talked early on about quitting his college sport, transferring schools, saving for an engagement ring, and planning to propose within a year. Over time, I felt more like his emotional caretaker than his partner, which is why I ended things.
After the breakup, his behavior became chaotic. One minute he was guilt-tripping me or posting heavy content online, the next he was cold or rude, then suddenly reaching out again and begging to meet up over break. He eventually reframed everything as “right person, wrong time” and said it was fate, but he kept initiating contact even though I had removed him from my social media and was trying to move on.
When I finally told him the only reason I would meet was to get closure and move forward, he didn’t respond for a week. When he did, he was blunt and dismissive, saying he’d moved on, had enough closure, didn’t want to meet, and told me to mail his stuff. I respected that, wished him well, and chose no contact because the mixed signals were affecting my healing.
Immediately after I blocked him, he made his social media public, started liking my little sister’s posts, unfollowed my inactive social media accounts, and posted very emotional content — including a photo from our last date with a caption about “letting go,” reposts like “the horrors persist, but so do I,” and several posts referencing self h@rm, @lcoholism, and grief. This directly contradicted what he had just told me.
I’m not trying to re-engage — I’m just conflicted. I chose no contact to respect his words, but his behavior afterward makes me wonder if that was too harsh. I’m also wondering if I’m just overthinking/imagining all of it and no one’s the a hole.
So… AITAH?
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NTA Keep that door firmly closed and if you haven't already, talk to your sister about blocking him too.
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AITAH for not making my daughter change the emoji for her Dad's contact that's actually an inside joke about his small appendage?
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I (31F) had a daughter "Lilly" (now 7) with my ex "Cory" (32M). When Lilly was 4 months old, Cory went to his best friend's bachelor party. He was mad he wasn't the best man which led to him paying for everything all trip (strippers and shots), something we later had one of our biggest fights about. This included paying for himself to have an illicit body painting at the strip club. He stripped down and had an elephant painted on his favorite appendage. He then received the nickname "little trunk". We broke up when Lilly was 1 and I made his contact picture an elephant because he really hated the nickname. Lilly asked me about it 2 years ago and I just said it had to do with a nickname for her dad. \*Fun side-note: Fast forward to today, he is actually dating that best friend's now-ex wife and has a kid with her.\* This Christmas, Cory got Lilly an Apple Watch. She started putting emojis next to all the contacts, assigning various cute animals. For her Dad she put "Dad \*elephant emoji\*. WHAT DO I DO?! It's a reference to his tiny manhood and his new girlfriend (the ex-wife) knows the joke too! I'm worried he thinks I suggested it because I don't think he knows he's been an elephant in my phone for 6 years. AITAH for not making her change it? It still makes me giggle if I'm being honest.
*UPDATE*
Thank you to those who left thoughtful advice.
To clarify: 1-HIS friends gave him that name. Also, he dropped his pants in front of everyone in the strip club so I don’t think he’s that insecure about his pretty average size (I’m a doctor so I see enough to know)
2-Compete accident. Had no idea that she still remembered he was an elephant in my phone. I never intended to ‘ruin her innocence’. I didn’t think quick enough on my feet for a reason to change it that wouldn’t lead to questions.
3- For more context, he was spending so much money on drinking/clubs while I was struggling to pay for medical school applications after unpaid maternity leave. He was constantly cursing me out for struggling to pay half the mortgage on a house that wasn’t mine. When I started medical school when she was 8 months old, I was surrounded by male classmates who respected women and made me realize Corey was gaslighting me into believing I was boring and that partying/strip clubs are normal. I left. I had to move in with my parents. I never collected a dime of child support because I knew court records would be made public and my daughter could one day learn about the neglect incident, drinking, etc. So I kept my head down, let go of so much so he could keep his reputation and worked my ass off. The elephant in my phone was the one little laugh I kept to myself all these years.
I changed her contact. It’s a harmless animal now but the context is a joke about his manhood that he got at a stripclub… yall are right. Thank you to whoever recommended changing it to the Dad emoji. I changed my emoji too so she will never think anything of it or learn of the story.
I changed mine too. Things are different. He is a better father. Im not in survival mode anymore. I’m a doctor now and have a boyfriend that is the man I should’ve waited for. I didn’t settle with my career or my partner. I don’t need an elephant emoji to remind me of what I left behind.
Thank you Reddit for the help.
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That was super inappropriate.......but also lmao YTA
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AITAH? My ex husband asked to see our bio son and I said no.
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My (26F) ex husband (29M) had a son (5) together. It was extremely toxic and I ended up packing up the baby at around 6 months old and leaving while he was at work for fear of physical retaliation.
I lawyered up, had him served with divorce papers going for 100% custody and allowing him a limited amount of supervised visitation (due to the previous physical abuse and SA against me). He was served, and did not show up to the court date. Due to no response and lack of attendance I was granted a default judgement.
He was alloted 6 hours of visitation a week. I was as flexible as I could be living across the city and being in full time work and school. He still only used maybe 3-4 hours a YEAR. Spread out over 2-4 visits.
I ended up remarrying, and we went forward through the courts to sever his rights for abandonment.
*note: he has also only made 1 partial payment in child support- I only asked for half of the daycare cost at the time, like $350 a month and thats what was granted in the divorce. And also never paid me back for the car he got repossessed, that I had to pay on to avoid getting sued. This was also granted to be paid back in the divorce.
It took a while to find him and get him served this time, but we ended up getting him served, and once again he never showed up to the hearing. His parental rights were severed, and my current husband adopted him.
He hasnt had contact since, and its been more than 2 years since the termination of rights, and more than 3 years since hes seen my son.
Last week he reached out asking to see him "one last time" with no other details, just saying a park near him. I have no idea what "one last time" entails.
I let him know that introducing them now, especially for "one last time" would be confusing and wouldnt be beneficial to my son.
Of course its possible he could have completely changed in the last few years, but for fear of physical retaliation, and the best interest of my son i really dont think it was a good idea. Part of me just feels... guilty?
For reference I am still in contact with his family (mom/grandparents). They video chat my son and also treat my daughter like their grand baby/great grand baby as well. It is only my ex husband i have a problem with, for what he put me through. My son also knows that my husband is his step dad, we have explained it as "the dad who made you vs the dad who's raising you" and hes seen pictures, etc. Im open to my son meeting him/seeing him when hes older and can know a bit more about the situation, but at 5 hes just not able to make that decision I feel.
So- AITAH?
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NTA.
I do not like that "one last time" part. I'd be afraid he was going to do something drastic to the child.
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AITAH for not wanting to go to my own birthday party/trip?
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My birthday is late December. I’m the youngest of four.
In my family, the rule was always that everyone gets their own birthday trip, and if you want to go on your siblings’ trips, you pay for yourself. Because I wasn’t 21 yet, I wasn’t allowed to go on anyone else’s trips. I was told there was “nothing to do in Vegas if you aren’t 21.”
When it was finally my turn, my birthday trip was planned (hotel and flights have been paid for we just moved the dates) everyone wanted to go. I asked my oldest step sister if she could please not get pregnant until after my birthday so the trip wouldn’t be canceled. She became pregnant anyway, and because of that, my birthday trip was canceled and moved to May.
Since it was already delayed, it also stopped being “my” trip. It slowly turned into a family vacation.
My cousin had just turned 21, so my aunt is coming, which I understand. But now my oldest step sister’s baby is also coming.
What hurts is the double standard. I wasn’t allowed to go on anyone else’s trip because “there’s nothing to do if you aren’t 21.” So why is a baby coming to Vegas? And is everyone just going to take turns watching the baby instead of acknowledging that this was supposed to be my birthday trip?
Even after my actual birthday passed in December, no one made an effort to celebrate me. Not even something small. No brunch. No dinner. Nothing. The excuse was that “no one else gets that,” which feels like bullshit when everyone else got entire trips.
At this point, the trip includes my aunt, my grandparents, my grandparents’ sister and her husband, my siblings, and now a baby. It no longer feels connected to my birthday at all.
This fits a larger pattern. For eight years, I played sports. My family never supported my practices or games — they’ve never even seen me hold a bat. Meanwhile, they show up to everything for my step sisters.
I once broke down on the side of the road, 30 minutes from my dad and two hours from my mom. I called him for help, and he told me to call my step sister instead. I waited for hours.
I don’t want special treatment. I just want the same consideration everyone else got. At what point do you stop hoping your family will finally show up for you?
**Edit / Additional context:** I forgot to add — we were supposed to celebrate my birthday the second week of January after the trip got moved. That got canceled because my grandma and dad said they weren’t feeling well.
The same day we were supposed to be celebrating me, my grandma posted photos with the baby.
She also kicked my other sister out with a months notice (they talked about here living there while the baby does). My other siblings and I are on the same page about all this btw:)I just need some outer perspective:)
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NTA.
If you don’t want to go anymore just say you don’t want to go. Maybe they will remember the reason WHY the trip happened in the first place and try to talk to you about it. And from there you open up calmly about how you feel.
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AITAH for getting annoyed with my Husband every time he gets drunk?
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My husband acts like an annoying 6th grade school boy when he drinks alcohol like putting his index finger on my lip and rubbing my lip ..gross like did u wash your hands??? or comes up to kiss me with mouth all the way open like a big mouth bass or bringing that cat over to me telling me kiss the cat while I’m trying to cook..messing with me to the point I get so annoyed and we argue .. he is like sorry for showing u affection if i tell him chill out or can you stop it..he gets all wounded and says I’m being a jerk..maybe i am but when your sober and he is acting like a annoying drunk it’s hard not to be.. i dont drink so telling me join in on the fun is not an option
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NTA I was that husband. For all three of my wife’s (two exes). YOU ARE GOING TO get FED (sorry for the caps) up with that and dump him cuz at one point all the pain and misery of a breakup will be less than the shit he does now. From a fella that knows.
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AITAH for telling my husband he shouldn't blame all his problems on his mother?
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Throwaway account because I don't want him to see this.
We have been married for 2 years and something irks me about how he speaks about his mother. I don't remember him ever talking like this before we got married.
His father is a present 'absent father' and was his whole life. His father works for 4 to 7 hours a day then comes home to watch TV and sleep. Doesn't talk to anyone, gets upset if anyone inconveniences him in any way. He literally does nothing at home but watch TV and occasionally throw complaints like 'something smells' or 'this chicken isn't salted good'.
I didn't know how bad he was until I lived with them for a few months because whenever we came to visit, he seemed like a sweet, shy man.
My mother in law is a shell of a person, who only lives for her family. She works 8 hours, raised all the 9 kids herself, and also does all the cooking and cleaning.
That also means she would have a lot of mental breakdowns when my husband grew up and would yell (or scream, as my husband put it) at them often. Though I've never seen her any much as scold anyone before.
My husband and his siblings always complain about her. And in condescending ways too. At first it felt like normal kids complaining about their mother (I'm definitely guilty for it) but it feels like they blame *everything* on her.
For example, recently my husband mentioned how he has a hard time expressing emotions because his mother yelled at him all the time and so he would shut off his emotions. I mentioned that perhaps it also has to do with his closed off father and nonexistent relationship?
He got frustrated that I even said that and stopped talking about it for a bit.
Then yesterday, he mentioned that he doesn't know how to cook because his mother didn't teach him. I shrugged and said his father didn't either. He blew up on me and said I keep invalidating his feelings. I tried to explain that I feel like his siblings are stuck in a loop of always blaming their mother because of how they were raised and that not everything is her fault but he wouldn't have it and stormed out.
AITA for saying this? Should I stop and apologize? I just can't stand watching this mistreatment of her.
Edit: I feel as though I got plenty of replies to this post. I'm going to delete my account but thank you to all who gave me honest feedback. I'm going to apologize to my husband
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It's certainly disturbing that everything wrong is Mom's fault, and not Dad's.
Is it all going to be YOUR fault soon?
Look into books on C-PTSD, because just about every adult who grew up in a dysfunctional family is thus diagnosed. There are ways to work through it, but your husband has to want to do the work.
I'll laugh a bit here and point out some things I learned in college in baby philosophy classes. My prof made the observation that philosophy teaches folks to take responsibility for their life while psychology seeks excuses. It's not entirely true, but there's enough of a truism there that it stuck.
Existentialist Kierkegaard observed that there's a moral imperative to life, "If you CAN do something, you OUGHT to do something." If we apply this to your husband, if he can cook, he ought to learn to do so, regardless of his parents. It's an adulting skill. So, cooking along with other life skills should have a moral imperative for your husband to master them however he can manage.
Anyway, off to cook my own meals for the week, as I ought to do ;)
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AITAH for moving away for college when my parents rely on my for child care (long)
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I (19F) have two younger siblings 15 and 6. Six y/o we will call B. 15 y/o we will call M.
Now B was not expected. My parents had already had their kids and most were independent by the time B came around. B is my older brothers daughter that my parents took custody of. Since B was a newborn (me being 13) I have had to set aside my life to help out with her. I really haven't minded. Yes I had to miss out on some big teen events but my parents tried to make sure I still had some what if a life. The first couple years I only had to babysit like a night a week or the weekends, but as I got older, weekends turned to weeks
My senior year ended up being me using all my work releases and free periods to make sure I was home to get her ready for preschool, pick her up from preschool, feed her lunch, and watcher throughout the afternoon, regardless if a parent was home. As a 15-17 year old I even shared a room with her. I pretty much raised her. I had her sleeping in her own bed, I had her eating dinner with the family, I had her using her tablet in moderation, I had ner off YouTube, and when she finally moved to her own room I had her sleeping in her own bed in that room all night with the occasional rocking back to sleep if she got scared.
Right after I graduated (I'm talking two days after) I moved 20 minutes away for a summer semester of college. During the not even two months I was living up there (still home for the weekends) my parents completely demolished my system with her. She no longer slept in her bed or even in her room (now sleeps on their floor), is ALWAYS watching YouTube unless I have her, doesn't eat dinner with us and if she does it's a fight. Doesn't have a consistent bed time.
I took a gap year from college to continue to help with her. Fixing my schedule around my dad's (he works three on three off and every third week has 9 days off) only working two days a week because that third day my dad was off was for his "chores". Through out this year I have tried my hardest to get her back on a schedule and have a routine but they are now CONSTANTLY fighting me on it saying I need to "stop being the parent" M has also been trying to help and getting the same talk. At this point she is now in elementary school, and while I don't want everything to be stuck on M. I need to start my own life. There is only a 2.5-3 hour window of her being out of school before my parents get home from work with only an hour of that being her out of school when M is still at school which I think is 100% manageable.
Considering it's never every day of the school week that a parent is not home I think they can figure out how to get child care for the hour in between and M can manage the couple hours between parents getting off work.
But I have been getting snarky "joking" comments from both parents about how I'm being inconsiderate and rude moving an hour and a half away and not helping. There's a whole other story about how my older siblings could have or can currently help with it but that's another day. I have also been moved for about 3 weeks now but have still been driving the hour and a half to pick B up from school and watch her.
It's also not just child care they rely on me for but I did most the cleaning (unless my mom is doing it), driving people around, and even my older siblings relied on me to DD or help them with stuff. I just want to get my education and start my life.
How do I deal with the back lash and am I really so bad for trying to get my education.
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Not your monkey not your circus.
Remember you gave that poor kiddo 5 good stable years. You did more than you should have, more than her father did, more than her grandparents did.
She's not yours and sadly no matter what you hope or want, it's going to boil down to what her actual guardians decide.
Don't destroy your life trying to fix others mistakes. It's just going to hurt everytime you go back and see the giant mess your parents have created.
Move out, get your education, build your own life without your parents leaching on you.
You already gave up enough, and at 5 that kid will likely remember how much of a difference you made.
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AITAH for pushing back when another trans person said me sharing my deadname is offensive to them?
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So today I shared to some people I don't really know my deadname (if it can even be called that, my name now is my birth name just male now), and made a joke about how in movies my birth name has always been villainized.
Well someone there then replied that I should not be sharing my deadname and it's dead for a reason and she only sees me for my name now.
I told her that it's my decision how I choose to relate to my name, not hers, and my name is very much alive. I didn't kill my old self and I didn't really kill my name either. It's not up to her to get offended by what I call myself. I've called myself a British cigarette repeatedly in the forum and no one batted an eye, but apparently me sharing an actual name is offensive.
I want kids someday and I will damn sure tell them the truth that I am trans. I am not ashamed of who or what I am.
But AITA for not considering her in this?
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I don't understand how some people think they're entitled to sticking their opinion on others.
NTA and you're good!
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AITAH: He hates me. I have no reason to stay.
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My bf (37m) doesn’t support me, not when it matters, not when it doesn’t matter. For over a year we talked about moving my stuff from my aunt’s house to my house because I have left them there when I had to move out of my place in a hurry and, back then didn’t have money to pay for a moving truck to move them to my parents’. Instead of going home, I moved in with him. Told him about all this and he promised he’ll personally bring them back home when he goes that side of the town. Nice. Now when the time comes for him to go there and do as he promised, he ditched me. The week leading to this he was talking as if everything was sorted and he’s just waiting on doing this trip. Come the day Before the actual day of moving the stuff, he texts me that he won’t be able to do it because his things are not going well. To say I was upset is an understatement. I knew in my guts he was lying, I knew he knew all along that he won’t make the trip and all that talk was just stalling. I talked to him about it and he just said he was sorry, didn’t say anything about making it right and getting right on it.
Fast forward, a month later, someone in his family dies. Allegedly, this person opened a funeral policy late in their life and couldn’t reach the minimum time required for when they can benefit from it should they die, meaning, the deceased’s beneficiary couldn’t receive the pay out as it hasn’t reached eligibility. What did he do? He paid from his pocket to cover for some stuff. Literally, in the same week the person died, my bf miraculously had money to pay for this and that. This is more money than what was needed to move my things. I asked him where he got the money from coz a month ago he was broke and couldn’t pay to get my things moved which have been at the said place for over a year! He tells me he’s been saving money for “something”. Oh I was livid ! I’m not even mad he’s helping bury a family member, I’m mad he didn’t have the same energy when it came to me and my things. He’s using money he was saving for God knows what, to help with the burial but didn’t save for a year to pay to move my things?? I didn’t know he had money he was saving. He never talks to me about things related to his money, so basically he hides his money, savings, and spending from me. This is the same guy who claims he’s going to marry me.
I do everything for him when I’m staying over at his place. Cook. Clean. Laundry. Clean up after him. Pick up his socks and clothes which he throws every where but the laundry basket. Eats, drinks, stands up and leaves the dishes right where he was eating and then walks past the kitchen sink. Even when I’m sick and tired. I still show up. But he couldn’t do this one thing for me. He never shows up for me. He shows up for everyone but me, and yet, I’m the one who’s ALWAYS there for him coz no one ever is. They just use him, talk sh*t about him and leave. Never have, in 2 years of us being and mostly staying together. No flowers from him. 2 birthdays and he’s never wished me a happy birthday. Told him to put it in his calendar since birthdays are a big deal to me. He said he would. He skipped it again last year, when I told him the next day ( I spent my birthday at home last year, thank God because I would have cried but I was celebrated by my lovely family) he just said “sorry, I forgot.” Did he make it up to me? Lol, you guessed it. He didn’t. Mom asked if he got me anything, and I said NO, she was very disappointed. She even told me herself than no man who wants to marry you will do anything to NOT prove themselves, especially during the dating stage. She told me of all the things dad used to do for her when he was courting her. My sisters shared their stories with me as well, I went in my room and cried in shame.
He didn’t wish me a Valentines Day last year, let alone buy me a lollipop. He’s never taken me out on a date. Even when I’m back at my parents and we don’t get to see each other for weeks, the day he comes, he’ll come empty handed. When I asked him if he ever sees anything when he’s out that reminds him of me, he says he doesn’t know what I like. Told him this was a lie because I always talk to him about my interests. Also, he’s a man, he should be creative. Not even a box of chocolates or pack of snacks has he ever gotten me, at least. He never asks if I need anything. Even when I tell him things I need, he either forgets or just don’t get them at all. Honestly, I don’t feel loved nor appreciated. I’m only appreciated for what I can do. I’m currently unemployed and have been searching for jobs like crazy. Since I started again this year, he’s never asked if there’s anything he could do for me to help. Basically, if I don’t ask, he assumes I’m okay. So today, I ran out of cellular data which I’ve been paying for from the pocket money my parents sent me. I’ve ran out of money and data. Told him to buy me data coz I can’t afford to not be busy. I need to stay on things as soon as I wake up, every day. He tells me he can’t coz we need the money to buy things that *benefit* him, as always. Told him I don’t care, I need him to buy this data for me coz I need it, I need a job, I need to work. Asked him when has he ever gotten me anything whether I asked or not? He asked am I keeping count? I said “yes, since you do it a lot, it has now become a habit, I’m keeping count”, he didn’t answer. Didn’t seem fazed at all by all this. Now I’m sitting by myself in the bedroom, very heartbroken and questioning my decisions. Everything in me says I should leave. I’m not gaining anything in this relationship but hard labor and will lose nothing by leaving.
Let me add something which also motivates me to leave: there’s uncapped fibre at my parents’. There’s nice food. My parents give me money when I ask, when they say they don’t have it, I believe them because I help pay their accounts so they don’t just say “I don’t have it” to be spiteful. I’m a woman in her early 30s, but they still pay for my hair, and buy me clothes because I’m unemployed. My parents are not poor. We are not poor. I have no reason to suffer when I can just go home and live lavish. My parents don’t even know the extreme of things here, oh they would be very very very disappointed at me. But this guy treats me like I’m an orphan who’s homeless and helpless. I don’t expect him to take me on a shopping spree, but I do expect him to buy me stuff to show that at least he thinks of me, appreciates me. If he can’t provide for me now while we’re dating, is he gonna be able to provide when we’re married, with kids, if I’m still unemployed then? Especially for things that matter, things that helps me grow as a person, like getting a job instead of being home slaving away?
AITA for leaving him after I’ve talked to him multiple times about putting me first for once?
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Leaving is the right thing to do..this is a clear pattern of neglect and imbalance.. you give a lot he gives very little, and your need’s aren’t met. Walking away from that isn’t selfish, it’s self-respect
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AITAH for blocking my sister?
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I’m honestly really confused about the situation. For context, me and my sister have always had a very turbulent relationship. It’s felt more like a friendship than a normal sister relationship, especially during my super early teenage years. She’s called me ugly before and I’ve said things back, but the difference is when she says something to me it’s “fine,” and when I say something back she gets extremely angry and holds onto it and calls me an awful sister for not respecting her since she’s older.
Last year, something really bad happened to her. Prior to this even occurring, I had begged her not to do what she was planning and asked her to please listen to me, but she chose to listen to her friends instead. When things went wrong, I did still check on her, asked if she was okay, and even drove her over 150 miles to the doctors, clinics and police. I genuinely thought that was the best way I could help, especially since I live in a different city seven hours away for university. But apparently that wasn’t enough, and now whenever anything goes wrong, she throws it back in my face and says I was a horrible sister and didn’t support her.
Since starting university, she says I’ve changed a lot. In a way, obviously I will change because I’m growing as a person and learning new things, but she just wants me to continue encouraging her wrongdoings and not help her take accountability when she fucks up.
She constantly says I’m isolated, extremely negative, and a bad person just because I don’t agree with or encourage certain choices she makes. She’s my older sister, which makes it even more frustrating, because I’m expected to give her “adult” advice, but when she ignores it and things go wrong, she expects me to pretend everything is fine and never say anything.
Recently, her boyfriend has shown a lot of red flags. He was on Tinder and liking naked photos of other girls. Both me and a family friend told her this wasn’t normal and that it was concerning. Five minutes later, she called me screaming, asking why I hate her boyfriend, why I’m so negative, why I hate her, and why I always want the worst for her. I told her that if she doesn’t want to listen to advice, that’s her choice and not my responsibility and I truly don’t care since I’m so stressed with other things.
Later, she sent me a long message calling me a horrible sister, a negative person, selfish, a show-off, and saying I don’t care about her. She said I’m not a good person and that I always say hurtful things to her, even though she says hurtful things to me all the time and I respond the same way, thinking it’s just banter. When I explained that I’m only trying to look out for her and that encouraging a bad relationship would actually make me a bad sister, she told me she doesn’t want me as a sister, never wants to see me again, told me not to come home, and even said she hopes I die.
After that, I blocked her. I told her to grow up and then stopped engaging with her. AITAH for setting that boundary and not being there for her anymore? I asked the same family friend, and she told me to communicate, but imo it’s so hard when your sister is the type of individual with a victim mentality, hence making her think she’s right 24/7 and everyone is looking out for the worse for her.
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Listen to me. Setting boundaries is essential, especially when someone’s toxicity drags you down. You’ve shown support, but your sister needs to take accountability for her choices. This isn’t about throwing blame; it’s about protecting yourself from endless drama and emotional manipulation. Her shouting doesn't make her right; she has to learn that actions have consequences. Take some time apart, let her reflect on this behavior and the damage caused, then reassess if a relationship is worth salvaging or not. Stay strong.
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my parents forced me to go to my university graduation that i loathed, dreaded, and did not want to attend. i did, but i was not happy, did not smile, and was resentful. they gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the day. AITAH?
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this story is a year old but i am still not over it and might never be.
to make it very short i finished university last december. i am not proud of it, i did not want it, i did not want to go to that school, i made no memories at that school, no friends, no boyfriends/flings, not even a normal major (i dropped my original one bc i hated it and made no progress in it), i couldn't even graduate in the spring like everyone else and had to do it in the fucking winter.
i made it clear that i did not want to walk because i did not know anyone there and had no friends to celebrate with, and the only friend i invited to my graduation brunch dipped because his kids got sick.
my parents kept pressuring me to go, trying to hype me up, etc. i have never been so miserable as the month before and after finishing college. i self harmed, punched walls, road-raged, and attempted to choke myself several times. that shit hurt more than a heartbreak, more than betrayal. graduations are still a primary trigger to me.
so anyways the day comes, and i just suck it up and go. when we get to the restaraunt for brunch, my parents ignore me and only give me one word dry responses if i ever said anything. when they took my photos, they kept asking me to "smile" when i wanted to die on the inside, and got mad at me for "not being able to be happy on a big day and do it at least for them because they paid for my school (that i never wanted to go to in the first place)
atath, aitah, or esh?
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legit feelin ur pain rn. I mean, uni ain't always the dream it's all talked up 2b, especially when you're forced into it. Tbh, everyone's path is their own, man. Nobody should be guilt tripped into celebrating something they ain't proud of just coz the 'rents forked out the cash. Stay strong & remember, it's ur life! Imo, definitely NTA.
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AITAH for cleaning up a biohazard my roommate said wasn’t her responsibility?
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I (23F, college student at the time) lived with my roommate in a 2BHK apartment during my third year of college. We had separate bedrooms and shared the living room and kitchen.
Everything was fine until our apartment started smelling… questionable.
At first, I assumed it was the drain, trash, or something in the kitchen. I cleaned, took the garbage out, and checked everywhere. The smell kept getting worse especially around the dining table in the living room.
There was a box sitting there that I hadn’t really paid attention to. When I asked my roommate what it was, she paused and said, “Ohhh.”
She then explained that while I had gone home for a weekend, her boyfriend visited and brought chicken kebabs for me. Since I wasn’t home, she left the box on the dining table so I could eat it later.
Important detail: I had been back for weeks.
When I asked why it hadn’t been thrown out, she said she forgot to tell me about it, and also that she doesn’t touch non-veg because she’s vegetarian. So in her mind, the box just… stayed there. On the dining table. In our shared living space.
At this point, I peered inside the box.
Inside was fully rotting meat with maggots.
I immediately threw it out and deep-cleaned the area because I enjoy living in a home that does not double as a biohazard.
Later, my roommate was upset with me for being “dramatic” and said I should have handled it earlier since the food was technically meant for me.
So, AITA for throwing out weeks-old rotting food that was breeding maggots in our living room?
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Next time throw it in her room.
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AITAH for not maintaining contact with my father and changing my surname?
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I (20f) have never had a good relationship with my father. For context, I’m openly queer, atheist and have quite liberal opinions. My dad is homophobic, catholic and intensely conservative with his views.
My mother remarried when I was 9 and recently I decided to socially (not legally) change my surname to match my mother & stepfather’s. He’s been more prominent in my life and has actually been the father I never had.
My dad found out that I changed my name (through my social media profiles which he stalks) and absolutely flipped out at me. We haven’t spoken in almost 4 years, and our last conversation ended in a heated argument. He says I’m his child and my stepfather had no role in my creation so therefore my stepfather doesn’t deserve the recognition the surname gives him.
I have one younger full sibling and two older half siblings through my dad. All of them have been totally accepting of my choice, though my older brother was upset that we are no longer “seen as family.” It makes me feel guilty for not wanting to be associated with my father. I know that this is what I want to do, but it also makes me wish I wasn’t put into a life where I felt the need to distance myself from my father.
AITAH?
Edit, since people are asking- I’m yet to change my name legally just due to the cost of updating all my documents, and the time it’ll take to change any other services I’m part of (GP, banks, work, DBS etc). I only changed my name socially (on social media) so I could test it out to be 100% certain that it’s something I wanted to do before spending the money & the time going through with it. I’m aiming to hopefully do it over summer when I have more free time.
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NTAH. Choosing a name that reflects the people who actually made you feel safe and supported is about identity and belonging IMHO.
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AITAH for resenting my fiancé for asking me to take down my risqué photos off the internet?
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I, F(35) am engaged to my fiancé M(36). In my 20’s and early thirties I did some light modeling and had a lot of the model pics on my Instagram when we met. I used to own a photo studio so I would take a lot of selfies and do photo shoots with people in the creative community. Mostly harmless photos but a few photos were implied nudity.
A few months into us dating, he mentioned he didn’t want risqué photos of me out on the internet for his family to see. Fair. I think that is a reasonable request. I agreed to make my Instagram more “family friendly” which is something I had already planned to do at some point anyhow. Plus I also had no desire to do anymore photoshoots and was going to rebrand that page before I met him.
Months later I randomly got tagged in a photo from a photoshoot I did way before i met him. This caused him to spiral and got super mad. He asked me to delete that Instagram page and I told him I don’t want to do that because this is my first ever Instagram account has a ton of memories on it that I don’t want to lose. He took this as me picking social media over him. I told him I would lock down the account a lot more than I had and if something like this happens again, I would consider deleting it.
We get engaged months later and everything is great. Fast forward a few months after the engagement - he brings up the Instagram again after not talking about it for months because I hardly used that Instagram account and have another personal account I had been using. He said he saw another photo of me out there with this page tagged in the caption. My friend owned a swimsuit brand and I had modeled for them on this page. This turned into a huge fight. He felt like I betrayed him by not deleting the Instagram so he doesn’t have to see these photos.
In this heated argument, he demanded to see my phone to delete all model photos I have on my camera roll which is not something I thought was fair at all. I had already deleted pics that were more risqué but I kept some Models photos I thought were pretty photos but were appropriate but he wanted all of them gone. Permanently deleted.
While he was looking through my photos he was calling me slutty, telling me that I must have not respected myself at all and I should be very ashamed of myself. I have a ton of photos on my phone so it took him 5 hours to go through everything and the whole time he was saying mean stuff to me.
He felt better after doing that and I told him I would delete the Instagram since I did the export of all the files. We also talked about it after the fact and he apologized (sort of) for saying mean things and said he was just so mad in the moment. He said “of course everyone has their past”- he just thinks I should have deleted the Instagram from the start and I didn’t care enough about him to do so.
But a part of me resents him for his requests.
Am I the asshole?
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>While he was looking through my photos he was calling me slutty, telling me that I must have not respected myself at all and I should be very ashamed of myself.
Please don't marry this man.
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AITAH for wanting my GF to manage her time better and pull her weight?
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She is 33, works part time and still has not completed her Bachelors. She also does not help much in the household. Because most of her free time is occupied with talking to and visiting her parents and siblings.
She spends roughly 30-40 hours/month on the phone talking to them an then another 50-60 hours visting them. Thats 80-100 hours a month.
So basicially 2 full time weeks are spent visiting and talking to parents/siblings and another 2 full time weeks are spent working. Leaving just some 20-30 hours a month for learning/the household.
I told her to reduce the amount she talks/spends time with her family to perhaps 50-60 hours/month. Thats still plenty and she would gain some 20-30 hours for the household+her Bachelors. But shes dismissive and claims that she doesnt talk/spend so much time with them and that Im exaggerating.
I just want her to finally complete her Bachelors so that she has at least some chance in this horrible Job market. And I also want her to do more in the household, because right now I do around 80%.
AITAH?
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NTA for wanting a fair split chores and supporting her education, but telling her exactly how much time she should spend with her family comes off controlling. Focus on teamwork, not numbers.
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AITAH if I go no-contact with in-laws?
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Over the weekend, I snapped about my in-laws overstepping our boundaries with our one-year-old. I am a quiet person and barely raised my voice. I brought up a couple of issues, but my FIL immediately begin yelling, asking, “that’s it?!”, disagreeing with my feelings, pointing at me, and saying I have a “shitty attitude” and that I’m bitchy. He also said my parents are “no good pieces of shit,” referring to my disagreements with them when I was a teenager (10 years ago). All of this was in front of my one-year-old. Meanwhile, my MIL rolled her eyes every time I spoke.
I’m in the process of setting up a therapy appointment for me and my husband. We haven’t heard from my in-laws but are thinking about next steps. I think we could have worked out the boundary issues, but the yelling and cussing in front of my child is too far. He let his true colors show and we have no desire to let him spend time with his granddaughter.
AITAH if I go no-contact? We’re on the same page and think that may be the best choice but would love some insight.
The history is long, but we’ve been drifting apart over the past couple of years and no longer value this relationship. There are some major issues with boundaries and selfishness.
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Just completely cut them off. If they can't be nice, they don't get to see their grandkid.
And where the hell is your partner in all of this!?
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AITAH if i refuse to change my graduation photo outfit despite my friend refusing to take photos with me?
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1. we are going to take graduation photos with our friend group
2. theres no set dress code but most girls our year (including my friend) are wearing black dresses. i am wearing sparkly dressy black top and dress pants. i like my outfit and have no desire to wear skirts/dresses
3. i post a picture of my outfit to my friend
4. she says she doesnt like my outfit, it makes me look aged etc. she asks me to change my outfit
5. i say "you dont have to like it, i like it, i want to wear it?"
6. she then straight up says "then go find yourself another friend group that likes that outfit and take photos with them."
7. what the fuck??? i say "its not like i force you to wear this outfit"
8. she then talks about everyone will laugh at me because of my outfit since its different, then will laugh at \*her\* because she is standing alongside with me and how she will won't let anyone laugh at her.
9. then she talks about how she won't feel beautiful taking pictures alongside with me because she doesnt like my outfit (yes, the outfit that is on my own body)
10. concludes that unless i am changing my outfit she is %90 not taking photos with me
11. despite everything i am still not changing my outfit. shes mad at me but i think shes just thinking too much about what others might think.
she thinks i am not thinking enough of what others might think.
i dont want to hurt her but i am not changing my outfit lol.
aita?
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No. But your "friend" is.
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WIBTAH if I donated or threw out my ex boyfriend’s clothes?
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EDIT: I spoke to a police officer this afternoon and will be following his advice. Thank you all for letting me know I could be hit with a theft charge. It was the unknown push I needed lmao
I (20F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (22M) because he sexually assaulted me. Since then, he’s been texting and calling non-stop. It’s to the point where my doors are locked 24/7 and my aunt has traveled to stay with me until my parents come home. I really, really don’t want to see him or have contact with him again.
I’m currently doing laundry, and have realized that he left a few pieces of clothing here (such as socks, underwear, a few undershirts). I was going to donate some of my clothes soon anyway as they no longer fit and are in good condition. Would I be the asshole if I donated his clothes that are in good condition as well, and threw out the rest?
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Retired cop, with 23 yr old daughter. First thing you should do is pack all the clothes in a hefty bag and set them outside. Next is to text him a message to come and get them. In that message also tell him to no longer try to contact you. No coming by your house or work. No text messages, emails, phone calls, social media. Tell him in that message if he chooses to ignore your request, and continues to try to contact you, you will report him to the police for harassment. If he starts calling or messaging you, DO NOT RESPOND BACK!!! When you do this, it will be considered a mutual conversation and not harassment. If he calls 20 times, log the calls as evidence. If he texts you 30 times, keep the texts as evidence. If he starts knocking on the door, wanting to talk to you, dial 911 for the police. Don't tell him you are calling the cops. Let the patrol officers do their job, and if they arrive while he is there, they can criminally trespass him.
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AITAH for ripping out my dads beard?
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DISCLAIMER: I put TW Abuse just in case, but I genuinely don’t know if this counts as abusive. I wasn’t outright attacked, and the marks left on my arms faded in less than a hour, but there was still quite some aggression involved. From both parties. A mandated reported herself stated that she had no idea how this would be classified by the DCS. Abusive-ish gray area, read at your own discretion.
I (16F) and my father (52M) have an extremely strained relationship, due to both our temperaments. I get argumentative quickly, but stay calm & articulate myself clearly as best as I can. My dad isnt very combative, but has an EXTREME temper - gets angry very easily, loses his ability to articulate himself or calm himself down. He very clearly loves my and my brothers with his whole heart and soul, but sometimes that love takes a backseat to his “primitive brain“ (a term used by my therapist). Neither of us are very good at admitting when we’re wrong, hence me making an account to consult Reddit. We argue a LOT, both of us at fault in our own ways, and always about something fucking stupid. This time was different - still stupid, but it escalated way further than it ever should have, which my whole family agrees on.
One night during school break, I was trying to record my voice for a project (i was doing it for fun, but I was still turning it in to a teacher for my semester grade, so I considered it pretty important). My brother (11M) was yelling at his online friends, and his voice kept appearing in my recordings, so I went into his room to ask him to keep it down. He refused, I insisted, we grappled back and forth for a bit. I got angry and (here’s my mistake) went to unplug his keyboard & mouse. I told him I’d give it back to him if he kept it down for max five minutes while I recorded. He was infuriated and yelled for our dad. Here we fucking go.
My dad comes into the room guns ablazing, yelling up in my face about getting out of my brothers room (there’s his attitude). I keep my face calm and voice level, and I tell him that I have a valid reason to be in here, and I’d like to have a civil conversation about it instead of a screaming match (aaaaand there’s mine). We go back and forth until he’s literal inches from my face. His volume has only increased, I can FEEL his spit on my face, and my brother is off to the side scared shitless at the situation (later he said he blamed himself for calling our dad in the first place, but Im not particularly mad at him).
He asks me (loudly) one more time to get the hell out of my brothers room. Once again, I say “I’d like to have a civil conversation about this”.
He responds by grabbing me by the arm and dragging me away.
Now here’s where I panic. He doesn’t have a history of abuse, but he sure as hell has a history of anger issues, and - respectfully - I know he was treated pretty shit growing up as well. I had no idea where this was going; in the moment my only thought was “oh my fucking god he’s gonna do it. He’s gonna stop holding back and he’s not thinking straight and he’s gonna smack the shit out of me and hell maybe my brother too“
When he’s done dragging me, and we’re in the hallway, he adjusts his grip (man is like 6’3 and works on cars for a living, I’m struggling but I can’t move at ALL) on my arms and starts shoving me backwards down the long hallway to my room. This is where I absolutely panic and start kicking at him, yelling at him to let me go, trying to lurch my body out of his arms and off to the side, but nothings working.
So I reach up to his long beard as fast as I can, and start yanking down as hard as possible. And I keep going, fistful after fistful after fistful, still kicking and yelling and throwing my weight around, and he isn’t even fucking BLINKING. He’s had the same look of distant rage on his face the whole time and I’m starting to think he’s too angry or too hyped up on adrenaline or whatever to even register that his facial hair is now in my hands in chunks. But I keep going, because at this point it’s the only thing I can think of to get him off of me.
By the time he gets me into my room about a third of his beard is either in my hands, in the hallway, or tangled in its own remains. He shoves me inside, and (thank Jesus almighty for this) turns around and storms out. I have about ten seconds to lock the door and catch my breath before he’s back AGAIN (what the HELL), demanding to be let in and shaking the handle so hard it is still broken to this day. I open the door and he’s staring down at me, tears in his eyes, holding his OWN fistful of white hair. He yells “Did you do this?!!” (as if anyone else could have??) and we go BACK to arguing, although nothing physical, until my mom wakes up and - after yelling at me for cussing and listening to my dad retell how he “guided me down the hallway” - sends us all to bed.
Now here’s where I’m looking for Reddit’s informal opinions. My family has long expressed their views on how I should stop being so confrontational and escalating situations, how I should stop provoking my father because I’m “an intelligent girl“ and I “know whats going to happen if I say no to him.” A couple days after the incident, and today during therapy, my mom expressed her opinion: I should never have allowed that situation to happen in the first place, because it was my disrespect and my refusal to leave the room that caused the problem. Expecting my father to have a civil conversation was ridiculous of me when I “know how he gets.” Additionally, she says that because of my disobedience my father had every right to “move me“ out of my brothers room, and my “fighting and kicking and ripping out hair” was unbelievable behavior that I should wholeheartedly regret.
Personally, I wouldn’t have done anything differently in that situation. As trivial as it was, I needed my brother to be quiet, and I genuinely thought that if I maintained my calm and asked to talk then there was a chance my dad would at LEAST take an exasperated breath and ask me what the hell my reason was (at which point he would be done yelling and we’d have a shot at resolving the issue like normal fucking people). I hate the idea of learning to bite my tongue just because my father refuses to get ahold of himself (grown ass man with 3 kids and a mortgage, has had AMPLE opportunity to learn emotional regulation and still HAS that opportunity today). I understand that hes been through a lot, he‘s told me about some of it himself, and I get that it’s done terrible things to his mental health, but the way I see it I as a teenage girl shouldn’t have to assume the position of calm, rational de-escalator while he spits in my face and hauls me around by the arms for telling him no. As for the beard pulling, I don’t want to hurt him, but if he ever lays hands on my again I’m plucking him like a chicken in a fucking heartbeat. I’m not teaching him that I’m willing to to put up with his shit just because he lacks coping mechanisms that he refuses to learn.
When my therapist heard both sides of the story, she emphasized that I deserve to feel safe but also reminded me that my actions led to his reactions, however justified. I’m open to apologizing and correcting my behavior if I really did do something wrong at first, but I want to weigh my accountability very carefully against his, since I don’t want him to take my improvement as submission or resignation to his bullshit. So what to you guys think? Am I the asshole?
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This wasn’t about a beard, it was about safety. You were restrained, panicked, and trying to get out. That’s not you being “disrespectful,” that’s survival mode. Your dad needs help with his anger, and it’s not your job to sacrifice your sense of safety to protect his feelings.
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AITAH - For not wanting to go to my brothers wedding
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Hey all,
As the title alludes too we are having a few issues regarding my brother’s wedding so I thought I’d ask here if AITAH or him. It’s quite a long story so I’ll try and lay out all the facts as best I can. My brother has been engaged for quite a while so this story is over a few years.
About 18 months ago we got a save the weekend as my brother and his fiancée want a 3-day wedding which will happen later this year. They kept the details of the wedding pretty close to their chest although they did mention there could be a cost to going but they didn’t mention any prices or anything.
About 6 months ago we got the official invitation which laid out the typical things but also the cost of the room and the itinerary. They want £250 for the room which covers the stay for me and my missus, the evening meal the day before the wedding and breakfast the day after.
Since receiving the save the date and the invitation, we’ve had some significant financial challenges, as I was made redundant, it took me around 4 months to find a new job, it’s ultimately led me to be on a debt management plan to cover the outstanding credit card and loans we had which totalled around £40k ish. Thankfully we are in a stable situation with the DMP and will be out of debt within a few years. The issues lie in that neither me or my missus want to spend more money on a wedding which we really can’t afford as it’s not just the cost of the room.
For us to stay away we’ll need someone to look after the animals as we have a good few pets, this is looking to cost us around £300 from initial costs for all 3 days. In addition to that, my brother is mandating that I go on the stag do as I’m part of the immediate family and of course he wants to go abroad to Spain, which is another £700 for the full package. Finally, he wants all the males going to the day to get specially fitted suits which I’m expected to pay for, and while I likely needed a new suit, it probably wasn’t going to be hugely expensive.
The last one was the straw which broke the camels back for me, and I asked him if we could only come for the wedding day and not the whole 3 days and not go to the stag do. It would significantly reduce the cost and allow us to come, and while we are not particularly close as brothers, I would like to be there for his big day. He flatly refused and said I either go for the full 3 days or not at all. Well at that ultimatum I said we wasn’t coming.
This has led to so much stress and arguments with my family and between me and my missus. My Mum has been the main instigator in trying to push me to go, who want’s all her boys at the wedding as she thinks it will be the last family wedding we have, she’s even suggested that I go on my own and leave my missus at home to go on my own which really annoyed me. From my brother I only get, "well why didn't you start saving when you got the save the date?" and "you could have put £10 away each month", I have tried to tell him that in the DMP I only get allowances for approved spending and while I haven't asked them, spending thousands on a wedding isn't likely to be put as essential spending.
We do expect to have some money coming in soon as we have a litter of puppies which we plan to sell and I will have my bonus coming in later in the year, although we plan on using that to reduce our debt down and make some urgent repairs to our house, and while we could potentially use some of it for the wedding, we both feel that getting ourselves out of debt quicker would be wisest and financially responsible thing to do.
My family knows our financial situation, it’s been no secret and while they don’t know the exact amount we owe, they have an idea of the scale of it. I’m getting a lot of pressure from my mum to spend all this money and just suck it up as it’s my brother’s wedding. I’m just not wanting to spend probably the best part of £1500 on a wedding.
In addition to the above, my Mum has asked my brother if she paid for the room, could we go for the day, and apparently, he has agreed, although I haven’t spoken to him to confirm this as of yet. While my Mum said she would cover it, this would be held over my head forever.
So AITAH in all this?
\-Using a throwaway account, but will log in and check for updates.
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NTH
Ask him to cover your full costs on a interest fee loan payable in 50 years and if he says no, then it’s not about having you there , it’s that he’s being a grade A - - - -
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UPDATE - AITAH for showing my coworker what 'just being honest' can be like?
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Well I had my meeting with HR and it went relatively okay, first of all I went on detective mode and I found out one of the HR guys (Dylan) was related to Jake, they're mom's are cousins so they don't have the same last name or anything but I found Jake's mom's Facebook and then a picture with Jake's mom, Dylan and his mom. I screenshoted it and I talked to my supervisor and he decided to come with me to the meeting.
In the meeting there was Dylan, his boss, jake, my supervisor and me, Dylan tried to lead the meeting and suggested immediate termination but my supervisor told him we will have our meeting with the other guy because I deserved a neutral meeting and showed both of them the picture, Dylan face dropped but he didn't said anything else after that and just leave the room. The other HR guy talk to me and my supervisor and I gave him my story and gave him like 12 notes sign by my coworkers where they talked about their experiences with Jake.
The HR guy called a couple of them including my pregnant coworker in his office too after dismissing me and on Friday I had another meeting but it was only me and the HR guy, I talked about how uncomfortable I felt and how everyone tried to do the right thing by reporting him but they never did anything, he said he understood and sadly Dylan was not impartial in his actions by covering for Jake but that it was dealt with. He said I wasn't going to get written up or anything and that I'm in the clear but he asked me to not repeat this and I told him I wasn't planning on doing it again and he just told me to go to him if something else happens.
Yesterday I got to the office and everything was normal but at noon my supervisor came to find me and my pregnant coworker and told us that Jake and Dylan were let go and Dylan might have some legal troubles with the company but he couldn't discuss that and asked us to not say anything about it to anyone else and that people would realized about Jake anyway.
I also have a second interview in another company next week, I'm hopeful but also nervous because I had interviews before but it didn't go anywhere at the end. And that's all, it was more dramatic than I expected, I thought they'd fired me and keep Jake or something but I feel finding out Dylan was covering for Jake because their family relationship helped me tremendously. Thank you for the advice it was really useful
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I remember your first post and am glad to see this update.
I'm guessing that Dylan's employment in the HR department is how Jake has managed to get away with this stuff up until this point since clearly no one knew about the connection until you pointed it out - that syncs up with what you said in your first post about Jake only getting a "slap on the wrist" before.
My additional guess re: Dylan is that the "legal troubles" could very well have something to do with proof that he's covered up for Jake in the past, including perhaps some instances that could've opened the company up to a lawsuit for either something Jake said or wrongful termination of an employee who reported it.
Good for you for doing a little digging and finding what you did, then bringing it with you as proof and leverage. Glad Dylan and Jake had the day they deserved.
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AITAH for not going to my sisters baby shower because I didn’t even know she was pregnant until I was told to bring gifts?
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So I honestly didn’t know my sister was pregnant. I found out when my mom texted me about the baby shower and asked what gift I was bringing. I thought she was joking at first.
Turns out my sister has been pregnant for months and pretty much everyone knew except me. She never told me, and it was never mentioned to me directly at all.
When I asked her about it she said she just assumed I already knew and didn’t think it was that serious to tell me. But somehow I was still expected to show up and buy gifts.
That kinda hurt. It made me feel like I only mattered when it came to buying stuff, not actually being included. So I decided not to go to the baby shower.
After that, my sister and mom started saying I was making things awkward, that I should’ve just come and supported her, and that I was blowing the situation out of proportion.
I don’t know. Maybe I overreacted but it just didn’t sit right with me. Please you guys be brutally honest with me, because I think I might have done wrong.
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NTA
She didn't think it was serious enough to tell you herself that she's having a kid, so she shouldn't think it's serious that you don't come to the shower.
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AITAH For not replying back? I feel so guilty
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So, this guy and I have known each other for 8 months (Long Distance online). We were in a dynamic (bdsm) sorta with no serious relationship commitment. Until he said recently how hes tired of being lonely and want a relationship.. But he wants different things like for example.. I wanna be married- he doesn’t want marriage.. He wants in person relationship, but im miles and miles away, so I told him I want him happy, and to not let me hold him back, told him unfortunately the things we want aren’t compatible and said we can still talk & be friends…. (so I thought) I sent that and he vanished for 3 days not replying (which is not like him, he would always check up, and even let me know if hes gonna be busy) and was active on social media, posting and going live.. then he finally replied days after, and COMPLETELY ignored the paragraph of me saying what I said, never replied to it and just replied to other stuff I said previously and it just felt… off. I havent replied and hes now asking where am i, am I okay, that hes worried and recently change my pfp pic and hes mad about that because he sees im ignoring him.. i feel so guilty but i feel disrespected by him ignoring.. i dont know, im so torn 😢
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NTA. u were right to decide not to reply anymore. do not feel guilty, because his ignoring u is already proof that he did not think about u or respect u. He also invalidated what u said and feel. do not waste urself on this, u can still find someone who can truly meet u halfway and who shares the same wants and goals in life
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AITAH for protecting my paternal grandmother's jewelry from my maternal cousin?
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I (28 years old F) have a cousin (25years old M) named Eric.
Eric and i used to be close as relatives but in time,we lost every contact. Years pass by and Eric found my mother's phone number. My mother was thrilled to hear news from Eric,from his grandmother and from his mother.
My mother it's the elder sister of Eric's mother which makes him my 1st degree cousin.
After a while,Eric,his mother Nina and his grandmother Julia paid us a visit together with Eric's lover named Miranda(18 years old F).
Everything goes well until i received a message from my workplace that a meeting occured and that i need to be there asap, in that moment i had no choice but to let my parents to know that i have to go to a meeting at my workplace so i went to my room and start to get ready. While i was doing my makeup at the bathroom,i realised that i needed a hairclip from my room,when i went there i caught Miranda snooping through my heirloom jewelry that i received from my paternal grandmother that passed away years ago.
I asked her what she was doing in my jewelry box and she said that my mother let her have a look in my stuff and take whatever she wants.
I was so pissed at this point. I stormed towards her,grab the pieces from her,put them back into the box and kick her out of my room telling her that i will call the police.
Miranda ran crying to Eric,Nina,Julia and to my mother telling them that i will call the police on her.
My mother start yelling at me telling me that the jewelry that i have it's kept in my jewelry box in vain and that i should share them with the family .
I said that those jewelry pieces are my jewelry pieces from my grandmother's from my father side and that Eric and his family have no right.
They left my house giving me bad eyes and my mother doesn't speak to me . AITAH?
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Well you can now remove Eric from your life for the long foreseeable future. NTA
ETA: Hide that box. Your mom already tried to give them to Miranda once...she will try to get it herself again. This one is going to come back
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AITAH for telling my husband it's his fault that I can't sleep?
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I (30f) have chronic insomnia, diagnosed at 19. I have trouble sleeping even if I use prescribed medication or OTC stuff like melatonin. I am also a very light sleeper, so if I wake up in the middle of the night, I won't be able to fall back asleep for awhile. the average amount of sleep I get is between 4 to 6 hours. and I recently got put on a new antidepressant that also makes it harder for me to sleep because of the side effect of increased anxiety.
for years, I have worked on creating and following a bedtime ritual (with the help of my therapist). I make sure I'm in bed by 8-8:30pm, take my sleep aid, and get comfortable, read a book or mindlessly scroll on Instagram. I'll usually start to get sleepy around 10, which is great because my alarm for work is set for 7am. part of this ritual occasionally includes my husband (30m) in a way. his snoring always helps me relax, so if he falls asleep before I do, it's kind of a guarantee that I'll actually fall asleep.
however. my husband is now waking me up more than he puts me to sleep. for the past 2 years, he has been working well into the night. as I'm typing this, it's 1am and he's in the next room over, still working, with no guarantee of him being done soon (he works fully remote). he gets stressed out over work easily due to having terrible managers in the past, so he feels the need to get a lot of work done or else it'll make him look bad. he is a software engineer and I understand that it can be a stressful job, especially in a well known company. I also know there are ridiculous expectations for SWEs to be working all the time, so I can't exactly blame him for feeling that way.
there have been too many nights now, where I have fallen asleep alone, only to wake up between 12am to 3am, because I hear him shuffling around or feel him climbing into bed. he is doing his best to keep quiet, but like I said, I am a very light sleeper. him getting to bed late wakes me up and I don't end up falling back asleep until several hours later. a lot of times, that's until it's an hour or 2 before my work alarm goes off.
lately I've been just staying up until he comes to bed. I can't say it isn't stirring up some resentment, but I'd rather sleep all the way through instead of being woken up in the middle of it. being woken up leaves me feeling worse. when my husband comes to bed late and sees that I'm still up, he feels bad about it because he understands how difficult it is for me to sleep properly. I have tried talking to him about his habit of working late into the night, and it only seems to stress him out more because (in his words,) he's caught between me being upset at him and his manager being upset with him.
the last time this happened (last week), I asked him why he can't just finish his work tomorrow (it was 1am). he replied with the same reasoning I wrote about earlier. I kind of snapped at him and said that nobody else on his team is even up working, and that I'm suffering because he thinks he has to get all his work done right away. I told him that I understand his work is stressful, but I also am impacted negatively by him working so late. I also told him that he knows it isn't good for himself and that it feels like he isn't doing anything to change this behavior, because he always ends up coming to bed looking like a fucking zombie. (he sees a therapist for PTSD and anxiety. I meant it more in a time and priority management context.)
he didn't give me a response and just kind of shut down. and we went to sleep without saying anything else to each other that night. I'm sure he brought this up to his own therapist, but we still haven't talked about it. I've tried talking to him about working so late several times before I snapped, but I still feel terrible about doing so. now it's like I'm adding even more to his plate to be stressed out about. knowing him, he probably thinks that he's TAH here, but with all the shit I had said... is it me?
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If you want this relationship to last I’d get beds in separate bedrooms. I’m serious.
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AITAH for feeling like I'm not in the wrong?
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Me (19f) and my little sister (16f) have a strained relationship. It can be great one day, and in the next sentence I say she can completely blow up on me out of nowhere. It's started to make me feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong, or not responding in the right way. Let me give an example of a situation:
At night, she came into my room (without knocking, which I \*always\* need to do even if I'm asking something through a closed door, to even get a response, but I let it slide) with her hair held up, asking me if I think she should cut it. (She has hair 3/4 down her back, and was holding it up next to her ears). I told her this was a major change, and that I wasn't sure whether she should do it because it takes a while to grow back. She started crying saying how much she hated her hair, and I realised maybe she needed some positive encouragement, because yes, it takes a while to grow back, but its just hair at the end of the day. So that's what I told her; if you feel like it'll make you happier, you should 100% cut it because it grows back, as I had cut my hair that day with the same mentality.
She completely blew up in my face. Started saying I give mixed signals, and how I should stick to my opinion if it's what I really thought, not change my opinion because now she feels even more conflicted. However, I feel if I had stuck with what I originally said, she would also have found a way to fight me over it, because 'everyone makes her feel like she should keep her long hair' - which is a direct quote.
I cut my hair about 4 inches shorter that day, and she then started rambling about how I always wanna be just like her (which help: how does that apply here because I didnt know she wanted shorter hair. I was so confused when she told me this). If anything, I feel like it's the other way around. I get my hair cut, she needs her hair cut. I buy a speaker for in my room, low and behold, the next day she has one too. I buy an extra bookcase because I have so many books? All of the sudden I hear her begging my mom for one too. I keep these thoughts to myself, as I feel they will only spark useless conflict that I wouldn't be sure how to resolve, but I'm having a hard time understanding, and therefor correctly supporting her. I feel she's having a hard time right now, she reminds me a lot of when I was 16, but no matter what I say, I feel like it always rubs her in the wrong way, and it's kind of defeating, and making me want to just not get involved to begin with, as it does hurt my feelings when she pushes me away when I'm trying my best to be of help.
Am I an asshole and just not realising it? I really want to have a better relationship with her and feel that if I am the asshole there's things I can actively do to improve my responses maybe? I'm at a loss, would appreciate any advice.
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NTA
Your sister is 16...and acting like she's 16. This is a time in most people's lives where they're still trying to figure out exactly who they are, what they like and what they don't. That is going to mean some behaviors that may seem a bit annoying to those past that age. I know it's hard, but just do your best to remain patient and remember that it's all temporary. You got this. ❤️
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AITAH for letting the guy I’m seeing think I’m broke?
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Throwaway because I use my main for things relating to my work.
I (22F) have been seeing “Alex” (24M) for 4 months (but we barely saw each other in December because I was away for most of it). It was going great. Alex works an entry level job in marketing. I work for a fashion house as an intern.
Just to get it out there - my paternal family has some money. My bio dad paid for my whole education, and I receive an allowance for living expenses since my internship pays pretty much nothing (there’s basically a travel allowance from the company that I don’t use). Technically I will receive an allowance from the family trust forever but at the moment my dad supports me directly because he considers the internship still being education/studying.
On the weekend we went to dinner with Alex’s friends, and one of his friends asked about my job. She said she heard fashion doesn’t pay well at the bottom and I said “it doesn’t pay at all, the internship is basically unpaid”. Alex asked how I can afford to live alone then and I said my dad covers it. My friend then mentioned that the area I live in is crazy expensive and I just shrugged and said yeah the places are overpriced for sure. We changed the subject and that was it, but I felt like Alex was kind of ignoring me for the rest of the night.
On the way home, he asked me why I let him think I was broke this whole time. I said I didn’t. He saw my apartment, all I told him was I was an intern, which I am. Why would I go out of my way to say it’s not what pays for my living expenses? That’s not his business. He said I lied by omission and that he’d only offered to pay for everything we do because he thought I couldn’t afford it. I never said that. I offered to pay for things, he insisted on covering it, I was always grateful. I thought that was normal. I didn’t realise I was meant to twist myself into knots trying to pay for something when he said it was fine. He said it was really weird and sneaky to hide a really big aspect of my life, and that he needed some space to process this.
I’m genuinely confused. It’s not like I lied about the job I have. I work in fashion, I want to continue to work In fashion. Unfortunately I can’t do that without some financial help because this industry pays peanuts. I don’t think the fact that my dad is helping me pursue my passion is some giant hidden personality like Alex is pretending it is. The only thing that made me pause and wonder if I’m a jerk is a friend of mine saying that Alex probably just felt silly thinking he was impressing me/being really generous and the reality made him feel small. She said I should give him time to process and apologise for the miscommunication and see what he did next.
I really don’t think this is as big a deal as he’s making of it, but I want some perspective.
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I personally think that's a lot of dramatics for a relationship of four months. I'm not sure you should apologize for the miscommunication. How did he think you paid for your apartment if he thought you were broke?
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Family friend cheating with step son, AITAH for telling her husband?
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My wife came home from a visit with a friend of ours. (Her friend from before we got together) apparently the friend confided in my wife that she had fallen in love with her 21yo step son and that they were planning to move out while her husband was working several hundred miles away (he’s 2 weeks on 2 weeks off). The first thing I did was pick up my phone and let him know what was going on. He took an early flight home to confront her. Now they’re all of the opinion I stuck my nose where it didn’t belong. Her, because I told on her, husband because he lost out on money and I could have waited until he was back in town, and their son because “I destroyed his relationship with his father” my wife only told me because she was disgusted and anxious about what she learned. Am I the asshole?
Edit: seems like the vast majority of you agree that it’s not really my fault for the timing and that I was honor bound to tell what I knew. I appreciate the opinions. I’m not second guessing myself anymore.
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You gave him the info. What he did with it was his choice.
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AITAH: Partner Intimacy
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AITAH: My partner had a porn problem and has been doing great at recovery. (Some rough patches but we worked through it). One of the big problems is that our intimacy is lacking and Ive addressed it twice. My drive seems to be higher which is crazy considering the porn addiction my partner had. If I initiate I’m told I’m too forward. If I wait, I’m rarely getting anything. I do all the prep work and don’t receive anything back. This has led to me being extremely frustrated with the situation and wanting to break up over it. Otherwise our relationship is good.
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NTA- "Too forward"??? I'm assuming you are a woman and he's the man? That total BS. Equal partners can ask for sex equally! Otherwise, you have a chauvinist as a partner.
Counseling is the only way to see if this relationship is salvageable. If he won't go, you go so you'll be clear headed about why you'll be breaking up with this creep.
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AITAH For Choosing Not To Tell My Dad When I Have Kids?
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Okay, I’ll try to keep this short.
I haven’t talked to my father in over four years. I cut contact shortly after moving away from my hometown where he resides to a city over 1000 miles away.
I am an only child. My parents had me young, in fact my mother was pregnant with me when she was 17. My father is a little less than two years older than her. About that, mom was raised in a religious household that didn’t teach her about reproductive health so she was ignorant of how to prevent pregnancy while sexually active and was a virgin before she met my dad. I am convinced that he baby trapped her, he definitely knew more than she did.
I did not realize that I was abused until I was 20. My dad always said I had it a lot better than him and he never closed fist punched me so that means he never hit me. He was very good at convincing me that the way he acted towards me was normal and that I deserved it. I have memories of him throwing me against my bed and suffocating me with his huge hands to get me to stop crying at \~3 years old, throwing things at me aimed right at my head, and once when he kicked me I innocently showed the bruise to my kindergarten teacher who then called CPS but I didn’t find out that she did until years later when he was holding it over my head trying to make me feel guilty for getting him in trouble. I also remember in 3rd or 4th grade showing him a report card of all A’s except for a B in P.E. (behavioral issues related, go figure) and that B was all he focused on. I remember defending myself and crying when he jumped out of his chair to throw me against the wall and scream into my face. I’d also like to add that he is 6’5” and has hovered around 350-400lbs for as long as I can remember, so he was quite intimidating.
My mom was very submissive and never advocated for me. She had an indirect hand in a lot of the abuse that I endured from my dad and other caregivers but she and I have worked it out and we have a good relationship.
My dad is very good at flipping the script so that he looks good around others. Our family and family friends never thought he was abusive and he really had everyone around us convinced that I was the problem, including myself.
There is of course so much more to this but I think that sums it up. He is a charming and charismatic person to the point that when my parents split he already had a new girlfriend within 2 months and she moved in within 4 (I was living with him at the time so I could go to a school where I wasn’t getting bullied), despite him being very fat he always had a girlfriend. When his first girlfriend post divorce from my mom moved in he kind of forgot I was there unless I was pissing him off. He even forgot to buy me food. I was in middle school. Everyone who gets to know him loves him, and honestly a lot of his fun quirks and eccentric music and movie tastes rubbed off on me permanently and I am happy about it. It wasn’t all bad.
Him and I have had many conversations about the way he treated me and he was always apologetic but as I got older I began to feel like it was in a “saving face” kind of way and he never really understood the gravity of his behavior. One thing I don’t think I can ever forgive him for is convincing my mom that I was faking being sick when I was 12 when I in fact had appendicitis that ruptured due to their unwillingness to take me to the ER and I almost died. That set me back a lot. I failed classes due to missed school days, had to quit volleyball because I was weak and emaciated, and missed the auditions for the musical in choir class. It still makes my blood boil.
I’ve cut him off a few times, always deciding to bring him back into my life, but every time I did I started doing worse mentally because I would think that I was the problem and everything in life is my fault. It’s really hard to function in adult life when you feel that way so when I moved away I got some perspective and some physical detachment from him and cut him off for good more or less, except one time about a year and a half in when I mailed him a letter and unblocked him. He never responded to it. I’ve opened up avenues for communication without reaching out a couple of times to see if he would ever try to talk to me and he never did, but I noticed he was reading my Instagram stories around Halloween a couple of years ago but not actually talking to me. I blocked him after that. I always said if he really wanted to talk to me he could mail me a letter. He had my address, but I moved recently so now he doesn’t know where I live, and I have him blocked on all channels.
I plan on having kids with my fiancé in a few years and I considered reaching out to my dad when my first child is born so he knows he is a grandfather but I thought about it all the way through and I’ve decided that I’m probably never going to tell him, and I don’t think I’ll ever invite him into my life again. My life is still chaotic from dealing with mental health issues and trauma but it’s easier to handle without internalizing his critical and covertly abusive voice. I don’t want to risk having him sew seeds of doubt within me again and I certainly don’t want to risk him abusing my future children.
I know that people can change, and I know that he has already gotten better with age in some regards. I just, can’t do it. I’ve kissed the idea of having the whole family together goodbye a long time ago, and I’m mostly at peace with it. I wish I could say I have moved on completely but clearly I’m not since I’m still talking about it and I often feel guilty for not being willing to reconcile and forgive him.
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NTA, you’re not obligated to hand your future kids over to someone who traumatized you just because biology says “dad” and anyone calling that selfish can fuck all the way off.
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AITAH for telling my husband I don't want to give away clothes that is uncomfortable now because of my weight gain ?
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Let me (29f) try to make this simple. I weight gained and a lot of my clothes are too tight. I want to keep those clothes so I can wear them again when I lose the weight.
My husband (29m) wants me to give them away. He said I don't need them anymore. I said I want to keep them, he said I should give tjem to charity. I told him I will take from own personal account to give to charity, but I want to keep those clothes. We keep going around and around and around in that argument. Am I the asshole ?
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NTA
He's being unreasonable. We're coming off the holidays, a lot of us gained weight from overindulging in baked goodies. Unless the clothes have sat there over a year and are taking up space, he needs to back off.
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AITAH by Befriending My Partner's Best Friend?
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Hi Reddit! I really need your unbiased opinion here. Appreciate all the suggestion and advice (if any).
“My boyfriend (33M) and I (34M) been together for about 6 months now. We decided to get together fairly quick since we both feel clicked with one another. TBH it’s been great. He’s great and I love him very much.
My BF has this couple of best friend which basically his inner circle and been with him since school days. So they have been through thick and thin and everything in between. They have a such a solid friendship and I like that for him. Thus, after we got together my BF wait no time to introduce me to his inner circles and It’s great to know his best friends. Among them there’s this one guy, we’ll call him ‘R’, who I particularly feel very excited to have a friendship with. No, not anything romantic, just purely friends. The reason is because R is quite artsy and we have tons of similar liking! One stands out is our love for dance art.
A little bit context, growing up I have always like arts. I like doing dance and performance arts. I have my own circles growing up but not the artsy group. It’s more like the smarty group. So I kinda the only one who dives into artsy thing back in the school and this continues till adulthood. I always kinda standout amongst my peers with actually comfortable of performing and dance, likes artsy stuff and likes talking about art and cool stuff in general. I haven’t got anyone who shares exactly the same liking with myself.
So, with R comes into the picture, as you might guess, we hit it off pretty fast since we shares the same interest. We trade numbers. We pretty much started to chat and sending each other funny and interesting videos. Basically, I enjoy this friendship very much and we only hanging out in person if my BF is there with me as well.
Fast forward couple months later, me and R are both exchanging text like normal and usual. Nothing special. Just funny stuff and occasional comments. I then send him a text saying, “Welcome back to XX city” since he was flying back to the city after a quick trip. During a conversation, my BF mention how did I know that R already in town? I answer because you have a group call yesterday with R in loudspeaker with me in the car so I listened and knew he’s flying today and I send a welcome back greeting to him and he only replied when he’s landed so that’s how I know. My BF knew we both sending friendly text to each other, never anything weird or drama.
So, here’s the thing. My BF then jokingly said, “Why are you so nice to him? He’s my friend not yours.” I just laughed it off but honestly something snapped in me. After that I can’t help but feeling the ick whenever I see my BF. I still like him very much but still can’t erase this weird feeling. Also, this is not the first time he said that comment to me. He said it before that basically said the same thing.
AITA by basically befriending R? to feeling this weird by my BF comment? To feeling the ick?
I don’t really know how to deal with it though. Should I just shrug it off and don’t think about it? Should I talk to my BF about it? If yes, then how do I start?
Is it weird to be friends with someone who your BF/partner introduced? Is there any rules of befriending our SO friend? Is sharing meme and funny videos crossing boundaries?“
Please let me know so I can deal with it because it makes me feeling groggy and makes me feeling least excited to see my BF. I just need to get to the bottom of this and move on.
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I think it’s totally fine to be friends with someone your partner introduced, especially if it’s not crossing any boundaries. That being said, if your boyfriend keeps making comments that make you feel uncomfortable, it might be worth addressing with him. It's possible he’s feeling threatened or jealous, but it's important for him to express those feelings directly rather than making indirect comments. Open dialogue about this could help.
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AITAH for breaking down after becoming the only person caring for my bedridden fatt
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I’m 25 (F) and my father is bedridden. He cannot move on his own, cannot get up, and cannot take care of even the most basic needs without help. When this first happened, my family talked a lot about support. There were promises to help, promises to take turns, promises that I wouldn’t be alone in this.
Then time passed, and those promises quietly disappeared.
Because I live with him, the responsibility became mine without any real discussion. I wake up to care for him. I stay up at night listening for him. I lift him, clean him, change him, feed him, manage his medications, and take him to appointments. My entire day is structured around his needs. Even when I sit down, I am never actually resting.
Everyone else lives their lives.
They visit sometimes. They sit by his bed, talk for a while, say how hard this must be, then leave. They get to walk out the door. I don’t. No one stays overnight. No one says, “Go sleep, I’ve got this.” No one takes over so I can breathe for a few hours.
I stopped answering messages quickly because I am constantly exhausted. I stopped giving daily updates because nothing changes except how tired I am. I skipped family gatherings because I couldn’t imagine smiling and pretending I was fine while running on empty.
That’s when I started getting comments. That I’m distant. That I’ve changed. That I’m acting like I’m carrying this alone.
But I am carrying this alone.
When I finally said I was tired, it wasn’t met with help. It was met with judgment. Somehow admitting I’m struggling turned into me being the problem instead of the situation.
So AITAH for pulling back, for being exhausted, and for not pretending I’m okay while being the sole caregiver to my bedridden father?
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NTA. You need to get a home carer or get him into residential care. That is not a burden for one person alone to bear. If anyone else in the family has a problem with that, they need to step up to take on the responsibility themselves.
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AITAH for getting my sister flowers for her birthday?
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Context. My girlfriend is graduating Beauty School, and I’m out of town. So I planned to get her flowers delivered for her graduation. But she ended up finding out and now she is complaining that it doesn’t feel special because one week ago I got my sister flowers for her 13th birthday. I was also out of town. I don’t see an issue with a simple gift but it seems like she’s in the wrong or am I?
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YIKES dude. This woman is jealous of your 13-year-old sister?! That is an insane level of insecurity.
There's no helping someone with this mindset. You just gotta bounce before she starts expecting you to cut your family off entirely.
NTA
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WIBTAH for not attending my son's wedding after finding out his fiancee is causing conflict?
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My son [28M] and his fiancee [22F] are getting married in September. This isn't his first engagement and this isn't the first time he's treated me like shit over the person he's with.
My son and I have always had a tumultuous relationship due to his father who I divorced 14 years ago. He is also Bipolar and does not make it a habit to maintain his medication. Instead, he self-medicates with weed. It's great when he stays high, but not so much when he doesn't have any or can't afford it. (We are in a recreational state.)
My son "Jake" was in an abusive relationship for 8 years with "Sandy". She was not only mentally and physically abusive to him, but also the two children they have. She has hated me since the beginning of their relationship and did everything she could to keep my son & I separated. After 4 years of me being the only safety the kids had, Jake and Sandy gave me the kids (then 4 & 2- the 2 year old is not biologically my son's). They didn't provide anything for the kids, and I stopped asking them to be involved because they would tear up my house and the kids would have behavioral issues anytime their mother was around.
Long story short, Jake & Sandy broke up last year and Jake moved into my house. She tried to take the kids back after I filed for legal guardianship, but she was found unfit and my son signed the paperwork voluntarily. During the court battle, he began dating "Carol".
Carol had been some type of friends with Sandy while Sandy was pregnant with the first child. Jake & I also new her from working with her in a medical facility a few years ago. In addition, I had hired her to babysit the kids so I could work while Jake & Sandy were still together. She quit abruptly after a couple months because she couldn't handle the issue the kids have. (The oldest is showing signs of generational Bipolar disorder, and the youngest is autistic- in addition they are both coping with the trauma their mother inflicted).
I was extremely unhappy with him dating Carol as she left me in a lurch trying to provide for my grandkids with no help from the parents. She did apologize and we discussed it, and I forgave her.
I thought that we were all on good terms. In July, the kids and I moved to a different state with my son's blessing and the approval of the court. I left my house (paid for) to my son with the understanding that it was still my house if I ever needed it and he agreed. He moved his fiancee in the day we left (which I didn't have an issue with) as well as others without my permission. However, we were in a car accident (that was entirely not my fault) and things went financially downhill. My son had sent me money from a lawsuit he had received from a car accident he had been in a couple years ago, (which apparently were "loans" even though I have not asked for child support or reimbursement for any expenses I have incurred providing for Jake, Sandy, & the kids over the last 8 years). But under the circumstances, it didn't help. I am under medical care in the new state due to injuries sustained in the accident. The kids had bumps and bruises but nothing serious.
In December, I had to return home to get back on my feet. It has been made apparent that I am not welcome in my own home, and that even mentioning the house is mine is "holding it over their heads". They have been helping me out with things the kids need and cigarettes and I've been told I'm asking too much. I finally agreed to sell my house to them so we can go back to the other state, and today I saw messages from her stating that the kids and I are a burden. And she's going to have a party the night I leave. She states that the only reason she buys groceries is because of the kids, and if I don't sign a contract, they won't provide cigarettes for me anymore. (We had a prior agreement that anything they provided was coming off the cost of the house.)
They don't know I've seen the messages. My son let me borrow his second phone so I could make important calls and the messages were coming up on the screen because his fb is connected.
So WIBTA if I disconnected the kids and I from my son and not attended the wedding since it seems apparent we are unwelcome in their life together?
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NTA
Stop interconnecting your financial life with your son. Evict your son, his fiancee, and anyone else from your house and either sell the house or move back in with just you and the kids.
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AITAH for not responding to a longtime friend and setting a boundary when she suddenly reached out?
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I (middle-aged woman) have known this friend (middle-aged womam) since middle school. Around 2005, I moved out of the area, and from that point on, staying in touch required more effort. For years, I was the one who initiated contact, including birthday and holiday greetings, as well as general check-ins. She usually responded, but rarely reached out first.
In fall 2024, something related to wedding gifts for her daughter added to my feelings of distance, but I never brought it up to her and did not expect anything to be addressed. I mention this only as part of my internal reflection.
The last time we were in contact was mid-January 2025, when she asked me to send her photos of items she might want to buy for her Poshmark store, since I live far away. That interaction felt more transactional than personal.
In 2025, she forgot my birthday. I didn’t initiate contact for hers either. Prior to that year, we had always exchanged birthday and holiday wishes. Again, usually initiated by me.
A few days before Thanksgiving, she suddenly texted, “Hi, I was just thinking about you. How is everything going?” I didn’t respond. She called the next day but didn’t leave a voicemail.
Around the same time, I heard through a relative that her daughter is pregnant. Given the timing and our history, I felt the outreach might be related to that (sharing the news or a baby shower/registry), which made me uncomfortable.
After reflecting on the friendship and realizing I’d felt like a second-choice friend for years and that I had been carrying most of the effort, especially after moving away, I decided I wasn’t interested in reconnecting.
A few days later, I replied:
"Hi. I’ve been reflecting on our friendship and have realized I’ve felt hurt by how things have gone over the years. I’m not in a place to reconnect, but I do wish you a Merry Christmas and all the best in the New Year. Take care."
I then blocked her. I feel sad about it, but the friendship had been one-sided for years. I was always the one reaching out, and it left me hurt. Ending it felt like the only way to take care of myself.
AITAH for handling it this way
instead of responding normally or ignoring her completely?
Edit: Over the years, I’ve often been the one keeping in touch and putting effort into the friendship, while she favored her “Friend A” and rarely initiated contact. She drops me mid-text, and then I don’t hear from her for a month or more. She doesn’t work, so she has the time.
When her daughter got married, her daughter accidentally received an extra Dutch oven. I spent over an hour on the phone with Amazon to make sure I wouldn’t be charged for it and assumed my friend would send it to me because I told her I needed one, but she kept it.
Her sudden outreach made me feel like she was reaching out because of the baby gifts, rather than genuine friendship. My decision to respond politely and then block her was about protecting my emotional wellbeing, especially given our history and the imbalance in effort over the years.
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Protecting your peace is not selfish especially when the friendship had become one sided
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AITAH for me 21m breaking up with my 22F gf because of her sleep schedule
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Well shes not my girlfriend yet but we're trying to see if it works, but i have one problem and its because she has a terrible sleep schedule.
We both live in the same country but we are LDR . We're both gamers, most of her friends are overseas(america) compared to us in northern europe.
I have friends overseas aswell but i still do my regular hours 6am to 11pm, but she does insane hours 15pm to 3am. I have tried to explain to here that its bad for her and to change it but she places her friends hours over our own.
Would i be the asshole to wanna break up just because she doesnt wanna change her hours.
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You two just aren’t compatible. You don’t even have to break up if she isn’t even your girlfriend yet. Just say you aren't compatible and it wouldn’t work.
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AITAH for being hurt that my mother in law didn't reach out after my miscarriage?
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I experienced a heartbreaking miscarriage. My husband broke the news to my mother in law. Not once has she reached out to me. All she had to do was send me a simple text message. I am beyond hurt. AITAH for not wanting to spend time with her anymore?
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I’d wait before burning the bridge. Tbh some people don’t know how to handle someone else’s grief OR assume you need space and wait for you to open the door.
I’m very sorry for your loss
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AITAH for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend going to his college friend’s beach house to party?
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I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (19M) for over a year. When we were 6 months into our relationship, he decided he wanted to go to a college super close to my house. This was difficult for me but after a few weeks I adjusted and I was very happy for him to go there and never once said that I was uncomfortable with him being there.
He didn’t make good friendships as he is an introvert, and mainly stayed in his room, didn’t join his floor group in many activities, but went to the college events. Because of this, he wasn’t really invited to anything by the people he was friendly with.
He has been invited to the beach house of a really nice guy. Since it is the holidays, he is one of maybe 20 people that are still around in our city, so he is invited. He wasn’t invited to the beach house during college, and this guy invited his other college friends. I wouldn’t really have a problem with this, but there are some girls there that I know would not be respectful of our relationship. I know they’ll all be drinking and partying and going to the beach. There will be around 20 of them, equal guys and girls. I also doubt there are 20 bedrooms in the house, so he’d be sharing the room with quite a few people. He would also be there for three full days.
I found out that my boyfriend was also on the porn side of reddit a week after our 1 year anniversary, even though early in our relationship he said that porn was weird. It wasn’t just ‘fantasizing’ type of porn, it was very relevant to the sports he plays and played at college and highly suggested that he had a thing for girls that played that sport. I would’ve been able to justify it because porn really is just about fantasies, but it’s obvious that he views girls in a sexual way when they play the sport. This had destroyed a huge amount of trust that I had in him, and i’m still really trying to get it back.
Anyways. I’m just generally uncomfortable with this and I would genuinely hate to tell him that i’m uncomfortable. But I just know that the whole time he’s there, i’d be in the pits of doom. AITAH?
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You can be uncomfortable, but if you don't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. Girls are EVERYWHERE. Don't be controlling.
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AITAH for getting frustrated at my bf for telling me I need to make more money to get married
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I (female 22) am frustrated with my bf (male 24) because he said I needed to make more money before he would talk about marriage with me. For backstory we have been together for around 2 1/2 years and I’ve been through a lot together. I will probably sound like an idiot in this post, but I need honest opinions on this that are not biased by my friends. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, but at the end of the day, we’re very similar and keep each other grounded. He has had a little bit of a wandering eye, but we have worked through it. We had broken up for a little while because of him texting other women inappropriately. He was the one who kept coming back and wanting to be together. I truly love this man unconditionally, and they say love makes you blind.
He has known that I’ve always wanted to get married and that has been a goal of mine. He has been open to it, but has not been a goal for him. He told me after we got back together, he thought a lot about it and he would like to marry me, but I would have to at least make $100,000 before he would consider it. As of right now I work as a special education teacher and make around 45,000 and I have a second full time job, I have always worked very hard so it just hurts for him to tell me that. I plan to go to nursing school in August. He is already a nurse and is going to school for NP in August as well. We split everything around 60/40 since he does make more money than I do right now. We got into a huge argument because I said in my happy little world I’d like to be engaged in about 3 to 4 years and then plan a marriage after we are all settled and have everything figured out. He told me if that’s something that I want. He’s not gonna give it to me and to look elsewhere, he told me he didn’t understand the point of an engagement, and he believes in always looking for better, and that is stupid to get engaged young and put a hold on his life. Mind you we have very similar interest and very similar goals that we can achieve together. I told him an engagement would show me that he is truly committed to this relationship working and he just didn’t understand where I was coming from.
Would I be the asshole to leave him over this argument? We have a couple big trips planned in the coming months (one I paid for and one he paid for) but I’m just over trying to make everything work. Every time I go to leave he tells me ‘future plans’ he’s had with me all along and how much he loves me. I’m just gullible because this is the first real relationship I’ve been in so it makes it harder to walk away.
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He’s not going to marry you even if you make that much money. He’s already made it clear he doesn’t want to marry you. So leave. You won’t get what you want from him.
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AITAH for planning to leave my partner when his father dies?
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My partner (45M) and myself (49F) have been dating for 3 years. After one year of dating, I relocated to be close to him, moving nearly 2000 miles.
In the two years since I’ve been here he refuses to introduce me to his family, using reasons like, “They won’t like that you’re divorced”, “they won’t like that your previous business had bad reviews”, “they won’t like your political views” etc. There is always some excuse. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, except he spends nearly all his spare time taking care of his elderly parents, and since I’m a “secret” he only manages to find time for me once or twice a month which is NOT satisfactory to me.
I have been telling him for the last two years, if either one of your parents die before you get around to introducing me, we are over, but I don’t think it sinks in. Just whenever I bring it up, he says, “Right now is not the best time.” And of course, as elderly people get older and more frail they get MORE complicated, not less, so I feel that these are just excuses. Most recently, he told me he was “Uncomfortable with the fact that I don’t inquire about his parents” often enough, to which I said, “Why should I be concerned about strangers?”
The whole issue is making me angrier and angrier and I can’t stop thinking about how he is going to be blindsided by me saying goodbye when one day he calls me to say his father has passed away, and yet he is going to deserve it. AITAH for feeling this way?
UPDATE/ EDIT: I should add that I’m NOT his sexual partner as it’s against my Catholic beliefs, and also clarify that I’m both civilly divorced and have a Catholic Church annulment (I didn’t say that originally because I thought the distinctions of those two things would be lost on a general audience.)
However, I definitely fill a need for companionship and attention and appreciation, as he does for me too.
I’ve broken off with him probably a DOZEN times over the last three years only to end up coming back when subsequent relationships are even worse. Some examples: 1) one guy I grew really close to ended up telling me he’s “kinda gay”; 2) another guy I totally could have seen myself marrying confessed he was COMPLETELY impotent (so that’s “a Hard No” from me, Dawg!!); 3) another guy had misrepresented his finances and debts; 4) another guy, who via text and phone and video chat was the sweetest fellow in the world, when we finally met in person filled our ENTIRE weekend with backhanded digs about my weight, my face, my hair, my clothes, the presents I bought him, etc etc. (and everyone is gonna think this is made up, and I don’t blame you, because that last guy was Believe it Or Not, a MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR!!!!!).
So YES I broke up LOTS of times, but YES came back just as many times.
Because it’s HARD OUT THERE. To be vulnerable and start from scratch with a stranger. To KNOW that I’m not a beautiful, 122 lb twenty-year old with a perfect face and body.
Because every time I left and then someone else disappointed me or was mean to me, it was great to come back to someone who I KNEW and felt I had an established friendship with, someone who has NEVER told me I’m anything except beautiful and desirable.
But YES I get that I’m an idiot. But easier to see when you’re not living inside it, anyways. Thank you for all the feedback.
SECOND EDIT:
Another important factor I didn’t really explain in the first part is that the “silver lining” to this bad relationship decision is that I actually left a job I despised every minute of (I had promised myself I was only taking it for two years and ended up getting stuck in it for twelve and it was the most miserable years of my life), and with the move I scored my dream job that I love every minute of. AND I earn about 50% MORE in the new job, which is so awesome I would literally do it for free!
So YES I will move WHEREVER I find my future husband, but what I’ll miss will be this exciting and amazing job that the most thrilling thing I’ve ever been a part of!
EDIT to clarify comments:
NO we are not “just friends”— we kiss and hug and talk a great deal about the “married future” (which I’m sure many of you will ridicule but whatever). He is EXTREMELY jealous and sulky when he knows I’m talking to other men online.
Every time I’ve left I’m met with lots of tears and begging, and GUILT, and manipulation, and promises to “do better.” When I left him in July, he promised that if I came back he would marry me FOR SURE without any more excuses…. But he couldn’t even manage to see past his ten excuses to not see me over the entire Christmas break.
And to answer all those criticisms of why I stayed in a job I hated x 12 years: 1. I had kids to put through school alone so I had to stick with something with adequate and reliable income to support them; 2. If you’re a member of a regulated profession you cannot necessarily just leave your job when you feel like it; you can’t leave until you’ve secured alternate arrangements to cover all your obligations or you may jeopardize your working licence both at home and in other states/ provinces. So it’s not like deciding to quit at Walmart and go work at Subway— there are a lot of factors one cannot necessarily control.
Hahah sorry for SO many additions— I would also clarify that I’m 5 ft 8 in and 155 lbs so normal BMI range but a model my height would be 122 lbs. I’m more “average grocery store mom” than Cindy Crawford but I’m no troll from under the bridge either.
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NTA but.... ummm kinda sounds like his elderly parents are his wife and kids if he's only seeing you once or twice a month NGL
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WIBTAH if I didn't invite my parents to our elopement?
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Myself (30f) and fiance (31m) are planning on getting married this October. We're best friends and have known each other since we were 13. Our families have known each other before then too. His parents have known me long enough to say they remember when I was just a little squirt.
We originally wanted a beautiful ceremony and would invite a lot of people, friends and family; but money is very tight. And we do NOT want to be in-debt to either of our parents, especially with my side. There are always strings attached with my family... Realistically, we've both come to terms that were not going to be able to pull that off, and especially since we were considering on doing THREE, yes I said three separate ceremonies because families are spread out, and we're also worried about bad blood...
That being said, we've been thinking about eloping, and possibly having only parents be present for it. It would be my finance's parents, and then my mother, stepfather, and father...
My mother and stepfather have known my fiance's parents for many years, but there is a little bit of "bad blood" between them, nothing too serious though. However, my mother is known for starting drama; even my soon to be MIL has pointed this out, and I couldn't disagree with her.
Building on top of that, my mother and stepfather are having some serious relationship problems, and have been for a long time. My mother is always threatening divorce, they're often fighting, and when my fiance and I visit them for the holidays, we tend to feel like we're caught in the middle for most of the visit... It's exhausting. I told them that it makes me uncomfortable, especially since I've experienced a lot of trauma in the past between her and my bio-father verbally attacking each other all the time growing up. I get nervous about the idea of the two of them being in the same town let alone the same space...
My bio-father and mother were recently able to be civil with each other because my Papa (on mother's side) passed away last summer. My bio-father came to pay his respects, and it went smoothly thankfully. This happened when I had just started talking to my bio-father again during my Papa's service, after I didn't talk to him for over a year due to how much he treated my fiance like shit the last time we saw him when he and my brother (16yr) came to visit... Let's just say the floodgates of the past flew open, and all the emotions I had pent up inside me for most of my life finally released.
I think my bio-father has gotten the picture that he royally fucked up with his actions. My mother stepped in a bit to help him see and understand that (I did NOT ask her to btw). She told him how much she and our family (mothers side) love and adore my fiance, which I am grateful for. Let it be known that their fights are "legendary" enough to where at 30 yrs old, I quickly ran out the door to go to the store with my stepdad and fiance when I realized the two of them were talking on the phone, just so I didn't have to be there in case they blew up at each other... Shockingly, no bomb went off.
Fast forward to last December... We told our parents what we were thinking ceremony wise. We were going to have a small ceremony with just parents in northern AZ (current residence/ possibly NC instead aka: future residence where friends are with ideal small venue too), and then have a small ceremony in FL where my grandma (83yr on mom side), and my Aunt can attend with my mother and stepfather among with my fiance's sisters; and then have one in NY, so my father's side can attend. We'd like my grandma to especially be there since she and my Papa are pretty much the reason my fiance and I met. They were close with my fiance's grandparents.
My mother responds with saying she doesn't know if they (she and stepdad) can attend the one in AZ/NC because of money in a tone like she was giving an ultimatum, AFTER she kept saying how badly she wants to attend the "real one." And she kept insisting we have the real one in FL where my fiance and I first met, which is in my grandma's neighborhood.
It has been a dream of mine to get married in October surrounded by fall colors, and my fiance is very supportive of this. I'm a spooky person. When I told my mother this, she had the audacity to say, "Well shouldn't your priority be about marrying your fiance regardless of where? I think your priorities are a bit off."
I was PISSED!! And when my fiance and I were alone after she said that, I asked him, "You heard that manipulation too, right?" To which he responded with, "Oh absolutely, yes." He was pissed too. That right there alone, on top of what I know she's capable of due to her lack of emotional maturity; makes me not want her around us on the day we get married if we elope. I don't trust my mother, stepfather, or father to not start shit.
I trust my soon to be in-laws though. Not only that, but part of me only wants them there because they got married in their early 20s and they're still together, and HAPPY (no relationship is perfect of course). Also, my mother, father, and stepfather are 100% prime examples of the multiple levels of toxicity that I've been exposed to in marriages that I do NOT want around my fiance and I the day we get married/elope. And my mother is known for ruining special days. For example: birthdays, holidays, graduations. I cried my eyes out on my 23rd birthday, which was the last one I spent with her... I refuse to spend another birthday with her after that.
Would I be the asshole if I chose to not invite my parents (mother, stepfather, and stepdad) and just let my soon to be in-laws attend our elopement; or just not having any parents on either side be present at all?
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NTA. This is your marriage, not a family mediation session. Given the history of manipulation, conflict, and emotional harm, it’s completely reasonable to protect your peace on such an important day. You’re not obligated to include anyone who has a track record of making milestone moments stressful or about themselves. Eloping with just your in-laws, or with no parents at all, is a valid boundary, not a punishment.
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WIBTAH if I bought cheaper household products?
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About a year ago my daughter and her boyfriend (both 22) moved back in with us, making our household size 8. After a couple of months she suggested paying rent, and said $300. My husband and I felt that was too much and said $250. We buy everything for the house, as well as her sundries and feminine products. About a month later she lost her job so I started offering money toward rent for running errands. $25 to take brother to school, $25 to pick him up, $15 to take other brother to bus, $50-$60 for going to pay rent. In the last 3 months they have paid $240 ($80 of which was toward her phone bill), and I’ve taken off $385 for errands. They eat out EVERYDAY, sometimes more than once (boyfriend is weird about food so doesn’t really eat at home). They do more laundry than everyone else in the house combined. A couple of weeks ago I talked to her and told her that they needed to start making more of an effort to pay, even if it’s just $10 here and there. She does help me grocery shop every week, and I spent around $500-$700 (weekly). I buy her something every week for helping, and buy lunch. I also buy any snacks or food she requests. Shortly after she moved back she asked if we could buy a specific toilet paper (she has Crohn’s, so I get it), and I now spend an additional $30/month on toilet paper. I’m buying nearly triple the amount of laundry products, and I buy good stuff. I buy their soda, and water (she says she can only drink Arrowhead, the others hurt her tummy). A couple of days ago I brought up the rent issue again because she had not paid me anything since our last talk. It all blew up and she got mad that I “let it boil over” instead of talking to her, which I pointed out I had done multiple times. She said when she offered to pay rent she didn’t expect us to ask for so much. When I told my husband this he reminded me that she initially said $300. I really was done with the fighting so I told her not to worry about it, she doesn’t need to pay anything. I’m still so upset about the whole thing. I’m honestly considering buying the old toilet paper, cheaper water, off brand soda, cheaper laundry products (and keep my good stuff in my room for me). So, WIBTAH if I bought cheaper products?
For context: our utilities are up about $125/month since they moved back in. she has a baby/pet sitting service and also does DooDash. He does not have a job. We live solely off my husbands income, as I’m unable to work due to my health. They also do not help with anything around the house, outside of her doing dishes once every couple of weeks.
Added context to answer some questions.
1. She is on birth control, so pregnancy is highly unlikely.
2. I know she has Crohn’s, I’ve been with her for every painstaking minute of it.
3. she says eating out doesn’t inflame her tummy, and we are actively working with a nutritionist to find better things she can eat.
4. They have the money to eat out all the time because they have a couple of online sugar daddies.
5. She started working at 14, helped out with housework, with her siblings, ran errands for me. She never used to have this sense of entitlement, and then they moved out of state for 2 years and since she’s been back it’s been happening.
6. We feel disrespected and taken advantage of, and I know that can’t happen. But at the same time I’m so scared to lose her. She almost died at 18 when her Crohn’s started and it really effed with my head. So it’s almost like I’d rather be a doormat than not have her.
7. My husband is her stepfather.
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She has Crohn's, and she's eating out every day? She isn't prioritizing her health, so why would you?
She is extremely entitled.
Get the 1-ply.
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WIBTAH if I leave a bad review
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I have gotten waxed "down there" for the past 8 years, almost every month, occasionally every other. I usually go to the same person, as she does a very good job and has her own business, which I like to support someone doing their own thing more than a Corp.
I got a lot going on in my life right now, and I went 3 months without a wax, and I knew my period was approaching. The thought of going through that with long hair down there was absolutely non negotiable so I tried to book with my usual wax specialist, but I couldn't find a time that would work for me in time.
There is a wax place, Corp kind of place with many locations around the US, they kept coming up in search results and they had a really low price if you were a new customer. They had an opening for the next day after I got done work, so I went.
I had a HORRIBLE experience. The girl was applying the wax in a dabbing motion. I thought, okay, weird, but I know people have different methods etc. Then, she is like applying it across the ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE OF MY HOOHA. my normal wax person does area strips. Im thinking, oh my god, she is going to have to pull this off from like 6 different angles.
Then she starts pulling it off. She is like pulling it so slow. I know the hair is over grown so its going to hurt more but I eventually tell her to just pull it off. This girl grabs the wax strip, does not support/pull tight my skin in any way, and starts yanking at it, still basically achieving pulling out only a couple hairs at a time, but mostly, pulling the absolute shit out of my skin. I literally sat up and stopped her and asked what on earth she is doing. She said it's just because the hair is really long. I said you shouldn't be pulling my skin like that you could really hurt me! She turns red and goes to get help, comes back with another person and they CUT THE WAX STRIP OFF FROM MY HAIR.
I LEFT WITH BASICALLY A HALF SHAVEN VAGINA. I WAS BLEEDING. THEY STILL MADE ME PAY. THEY STILL MADE ME LEAVE THE AUTOMATIC SERVICE CHARGE/GRATUITY.
THEY CALLED THE NEXT DAY TO HAVE TO NERVE TO ASK ME TO BOOK AGAIN.
Now, from what I assume is their automatic system, I am getting texted a few times to leave a Google review.
Should I be the AH?
Info: when I had a baby I went like 6 months without a wax and was very overgrown, but usual wax lady got it off with minimal pain. Im not sure if my usual wax lady is just really good or if most are just really bad?
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NTA
OFC YOU SHOULD LEAVE A BAD REVIEW!
They might be giving other women this treatment!!
edit: omygah first award?
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AITAH for not driving 4 hours to see my sister.
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I f44 have an older sister 49 that stays overseas, she moved there 2 years ago. 6 months ago she started planning a trip to her home country. The problem is her itinerary includes the city our father resides in, and 2 other holiday destination cities, but not her hometown where my 75 year old mother, myself and brother reside. There is no history of estrangement, nor familial strife. She visited my dad for a week and expects me, my husband and two kids, my mother and brother to take time off work and school, find housesitters and drive 4 hours to see her. Aitah for refusing to go?
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“No, that won’t be feasible for us. If you want to see everyone, you know what city we live in. Hope you’re able to come by”
You don’t need to accommodate this nonsense.
NTA
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AITAH For flipping out on my dad after he loudly stated in front of everyone at my family gathering that I need to hide my sex toys
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So I (M17) am just chilling downstairs in the living room with my cousins (they're all adults dw) and I'm having a nice time, when out of nowhere from upstairs, my dad, loudly exclaims for everybody to hear, "OP, make sure to hide your dildo!" And I immediately go run upstairs and put the dildo back in my hidden compartment in my room and I yell at my father, which in turn he gets mad at me because I'm yelling at him. Later, he talks to me in private, stating that I'm disrespecting him by owning sex toys, and that no person my age owns them. And I'm obviously pissed.
TLDR: accidentally left my dildo in my bathroom cabinet while cleaning my bathroom earlier in the day, dad embarasses me in front of cousins, and I get pissed
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ESH. Him for obvious reasons, but also, don't just leave your dildo lying about.
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AITAH for hitting my boyfriend?
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Okay so strong title I know. But there’s context. We just got in a massive fight with him saying he’s gonna start to full swing on me if I don’t quit laying hands on him… I don’t just swing on him in disagreements because he didn’t do the dishes. 95% of the time it’s when he is putting his hands on me making me uncomfortable. It could be tickling me putting his freezing cold hands on me etc. I don’t just start this immediately hitting him I tell him to stop a multitude of times before I start hitting and typically start with barely using force to gradually using more. I grew up being told to tell someone to stop 3 times and if they don’t you have every right to swing. He KNOWS I don’t like these things and doesn’t stop he even continues WHILE I’m hitting him. To me it’s common sense “if I don’t want her to hit me I should stop doing the thing making her hit me.”
Today he had his entire body covering the bathroom door and tried arguing about my sleeping habits with me for the third time today. I started shooing him and saying I’m done while walking toward the door he had covered. I said I’m done with this conversation I’m not talking about it at least five times before reaching him and I pushed him out of my way. He immediately grabbed and pushed me back. I pushed him back again and grabbed him so he couldn’t push me into the tub without taking himself too. In his eyes I used all my force to push him. To me I barely touched him.
It became an entire thing “I’ve told you for months not to lay hands on me you think I won’t swing back.” While I’m telling him to do it and see what happens. That I barely touched him and warn him to stop many times before I do. I’m tired of being the asshole because i physically am uncomfortable and tell him to stop and he doesn’t. When he tells me to stop I do. When ticking and putting cold hands on him I do it for a few seconds not a few minutes while he’s screaming to stop. He wanted to bring up “court of law” like yes in the court of law when you unconsenstually are pinning me down and putting your hands on my body I have every right to fight back.
I’m just tired of being the bad guy in this relationship. I do EVERYTHING. Everything started because he came home depressed because he “comes home to nothing” (meaning I won’t eff him) when he comes home to a clean house and dinner most nights. I come home to him sitting on his ass 24/7. I work just as much as he does. I come home from work and make dinner and clean the entire house on my days off. It’s a good day if he even does dishes. But I’m TAH because I won’t have sex with him. (Sorry I’m turned off when you complain about putting the dinner I made away)
I’ve had a thousand people tell me to leave him before it got to this point. Started getting people saying that back when he said he didn’t like my jeans. If only I could… I was basically pushed out of my house to live on my own. Anymore you can’t afford jack shit without a second income.
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NTA
He is abusing you and intentionally violating your physical boundaries until you snap so that he can turn things around and call you the abusive one. You say you've had thousands of people tell you to leave, so I'm not sure why you're here asking if you know you're being abused but are not prepared to leave.
If you can't afford to live alone, look for a place with roommates. See if you can stay with a friend. Look into a domestic abuse shelter. There are options out there.
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AITAH for checking my partner's messages which led to relationship ending?
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Hey guys and girls - over the last few months I've been dealing with the breakdown of a relationship after 3 and a half years and have gotten to the point where emotion is tucked away and I can start questioning exactly what happened and I'm really struggling to work out if I screwed up as badly as she makes it out to be.
Introduction - I'm an anxious attached person and she is a dismissive avoidant (from what I can research) and in November last year things came to a head and our long term relationship ended. Long story short - after about 12 months of feeling neglected, ignored and with constant reaches out for affection/intimacy ignored (hugs, touches, etc not even responded to and not getting off her phone or acknowledging) I began to spiral and wonder if something was going on. We both work full time (her Monday to Friday and me Monday to Saturday with us both doing our businesses on Sunday which is photography and takes me days after work to edit and post after work hours). I know she might feel ignored so every 20-30 minutes I'd make sure to stop what I was doing and go and see her and make sure she was okay and needed nothing, gave her a hug and continued. She would never ever say anything, never mention a problem and I thought it was all going okay but I knew something was wrong that I had no information to try and rectify.
There was no communication or explanations and after months I couldn't help myself and jumped on her computer and checked her messages to answer the question that had built up in my mind if there was someone else or for some crumb of context. Then I found the group chat with her friends - bitching about me talking about things like "I can't believe he asked me to cover the bill at dinner after I mentioned I hadn't been paid yet - it was so awkward" (we usually took it turn by turn whenever we went out to cover it), the fact I'd mentioned that she was going to gym alot more now with her friend (I was trying to create conversation about a positive thing in her life she was doing) which turned into her friend saying "what is he afraid I'll find you someone better" and then complaining that I was constantly mentioning the diet I was doing and how exhausting/annoying it was (I was being incredibly strict and wanting to share my journey with her and get some support to help me through it while I worked to better myself and look better for her too). The worst one of all was me the night before mentioning "that place looks really cool - how nice it would be to be rich some day!" because she always looked at nice real estate and she took that as me implying I couldn't wait for her grandfather (who is very wealthy) to die to pass along his fortune and that I was looking for a "free ride" which is the most horrible thing I could imagine she could think of my mindset and that she thought I was a demon.
Obviously this all shook me to my core and I confronted her when she got home. It turned into a fight where we discussed the communication issues and her feeling neglected because we didn't go out much or do much - thinking her hints of "we should go to this restaurant some time" were clear and when I said I needed clear discussion not hints and that I'm not a mindreader on how important something is or her needs she said "you should know". We both agreed we could work on things but then said "You can start by telling me how you found out about the group chat discussions" and I thought I'd start the revival with honesty and said I checked her messages instead of throwing any of her friends under the bus. She glared, said "we are done" and stormed out. This was followed by weeks of avoiding me, discussing logistics and organising next steps - we had a couple of conversations after it had cooled a bit and I mentioned that, despite her breach of trust going behind my back and talking shit about all the relationship issues with her friends instead of me, that I would be willing to forgive her and work on the problems that came up in our chat before it all blew up that day. She however, was unwilling to forgive me checking the messages once and decided to end it entirely. We owned a house together, had two cats (one mine one hers) and had our vehicles including one we bought together as a joint purchase so our lives are going to be incredibly arduous to unwind. She even got a lawyer to draft up and create a Binding Financial Agreement to lock in splitting of assets and has since removed our friendship on Facebook and blocked me from her business page (that she got into using my business model, doing the same thing, using the same structure and I helped her setup, choose the right equipment and even come up with the name).
Long story short - was I the asshole checking the messages after about a year of no communication and mentally spiraling or was it justified to try and get some answers? What feedback/observations do you guys have for me based on this? I am tired and exhausted and emotionally burned out and don't know really how to process the overall situation to both accept what happened but also how it will affect my future relationships. Thanks.
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I'm going to go with ESH
You suck for invading your GF privacy by checking her group chat messages
Your GF sucks by spending more time bitching about you to her friends instead of having open discussions with you about her needs and wants.
This was a relationship that needed to die
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Aitah for not jogging with my cousin in the mornings?
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Hello Reddit, this is my first post. I'm writing on a phone, so don't be surprised. This is a throw-away account, since people know my main account.
So I (15M) have been jogging every morning. I do this for my mental and physical health, as I used to have a little chub on me (not an excessive amount). I have worked hard to get rid of all the extra fat. I have a cousin (13M) who is overweight.
Let's call him Jake (fake name). My cousin has been very self-conscious of his weight, but he doesn't try to do anything to fix it. This is where I come in. It all started at an average Sunday dinner, when the family had a chance to talk before everyone got busy for the whole week. A few of my cousins were playing Uno (Including Jake). We were all called into the main TV room for the annual check-in by all the parents. One of my uncles started saying that Jake should start working out, my mom jumped in with my daily routine of jogging in the mornings. My Uncle told Jake's father to consider it; he, of course, said yes. So now we get to the next weekend. I am fine with a running buddy, as it gets kinda lonely by yourself. So at 6:30 AM, which is the time that we agreed upon the previous Sunday, I go to Jake's house and ring the doorbell. My aunt answers and welcomes me in, she goes to call Jake and I hear arguing. I start to get confused and I sit down on the couch. My aunt comes down and says that Jake is getting ready. I say alright and start to wait. A whole 30 minutes pass and now I start to get annoyed, as I would have been halfway done my routine by now, but I understand that it is probably his first time waking up so early. He comes down and greets me. We leave and start to run, but I guess it was boring for him to just follow me, so he decides (In great Jake Fashion) to trip me, to this day I have no idea why he did that. But I had fallen hard, I just looked up at him as he laughed.
It was that time of year, when the sidewalk is always kinda wet, so now my grey hoodie had a weird, rocky wet feeling. I was so angry at Jake, but I just wanted to get this over with. So we finish with the path I normally go through which connects to my neighborhood, I start walking when he stops me and says "Yo drop me off real quick" I really did not want to because they live a far walk away, I told him that and he said he wasn't going to talk to me anymore, so I gave in and walked him home. Atp I was really pissed off as he had just ruined my Saturday morning, I just decided to let it go, the first thing I do when I get home is rip off that wet hoodie and take a shower, but now lets move on to the next weekend, which would be around 2 weeks since my mom agreed for me to jog with Jake. Now this Saturday I was not in the mood to run, it just didn't hit me with the same feeling when I woke up, so I decided to watch TV instead, but my mom came down and asked why I hadn't gone to jog, I told her I wasn't in the mood, she went off and started yelling at me about how Jake was left all alone and would not be safe running by himself. I then told her what happened the previous week, she just looked at me and said "So?" I was in shock, I have never seen my mom ignore my feelings before. She said if I didn't go I would be grounded for 2 weeks, I just kinda ignored her and walk off because I couldn't explain what I felt anymore. Jake messaged me and started asking me when I was coming, I told him that I wouldn't be jogging that day. he blocked me before I could say why.
I'm sorry for all the yapping but I need a third party perspective so Aita for not jogging with my cousin?
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NTA. There are days when you don't feel like running and that's valid. And I do not blam you for not wanting to jog with him. Are you asian by any chance? Because I know they value others more than their own kids.
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AITAH for being mad that my friend is accusing me of a crime I never committed?
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I (19F) got scammed out of a lot of money for tickets.
Half the money was this girl I was friends with. We weren’t really close but we were getting there with a nice friendship. She’s a girl that I’ll be forced to see often.
Anyways, I texted her when I found out I was being scammed apologising for everything.
I said that I don’t have a job my boyfriend offered to help me pay you back.
She didn’t say anything. I assumed she was mad and I would 100% get that. So, before that she sent her bank details a while ago.
my plan was to just pay her back quietly and leave it there. I just felt terrible and I didn’t care if my money had gone missing as long as hers had returned.
Then I texted her again to say I’m still planing on doing this with the little money that I have.
And she left me on opened. Cool great stuff. Now I’m getting slightly annoyed because I’m trying to help but she’s got to at least say “yes pay me back, that’s all good.”
I’m not asking her to be besties with me. I’ve been literally devastated ever since. I also lost a lot of money and I was super apologetic and tried to figure everything out.
Then in the morning I get a call from the bank. I’m thinking this is good news about the reimbursement I was promised. They were to pay me enough money so both of us get most of it back and lose a small amount in the big run.
But the lady said she got a call from my “friends” bank claiming that I am the one that scammed her.
And my hearts racing and I’m like “what??”
I’m getting anxious because I’ve been trying to work it all out. I haven’t told my mum about it because I knew she’d blame me and get angry. And now my friend is accusing me of being a criminal.
So I texted her again basically saying it’s not like I planned to get scammed and if you don’t want my help I won’t give it to her and I’ll just fight for my half and you can do what you want on your own.
I get being mad but if you really wanted your money back you’d surely want to work with me rather than against??? Or am I crazy for thinking that???
I’m actually so baffled and I’m fuming because I’m not a thief. I swear on the cross if I knew this was a scam I would’ve never done it. I would’ve never ever, ever put her or myself in that situation.
I’m also broke and (amount) is a lot of flipping money.
I’m scared this will get back to my mum. I haven’t told her… and if it gets to a point I will if I get a reimbursement. But I literally cried because of how awful I felt.
I was so apologetic about it and I never intended that to happen.
But now my stance is if she ignores my last message to her I’m going to promptly remove her and I wont do anything more for her case.
So, am I the asshole?
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What were the tickets for?
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AITAH if i don’t offer to pay my own way when my family invites me out to dinner?
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My son and his wife both have high income jobs while I am living off of my Social Security and have to watch my spending very carefully. They enjoy eating out at local restaurants with their children at least once a week. Every few months they ask me to join them. I am happy to be included. However, I have only offered to cover the check for the entire group a couple of times since the bill for six people for dinner, appetizers and sometimes drinks plus a good tip can be out of my budget range for that month. AITAH? Should I be picking up the group check more often? Should i ask for a separate check? Sometimes I have left the group tip in cash in lieu of paying for my own dinner.
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If your family is inviting you out to dinner, you don’t need to be paying at all.
Offering to leave the tip is a nice gesture, but probably also unexpected by your family.
Do you invite them over for a home cooked meal once in a while? That would seem to more than make up for their occasion treat of a dinner out for you.
Edit to add: NTA
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WIBTAH for not inviting my friend to my graduation
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I have 2 very close friends and I also have 2 friends I’ve made from school and work who I’m not close with yet. The two friends in close to I’m very grateful for but one of my friends has terrible social anxiety and doesn’t ever want to go anywhere in public and my other friend is always with her bf so her free time is limited and we usually all hangout together. Anyway recently I’ve been hanging out with my new friends more simply because I actually want to go out and do stuff. I still regularly talk to my close friends and hangout don’t get me wrong but I feel like I reach out to my school friends more when I want to go out and do something. At most I’ll go with my close friends to a restaurant or movie but everytime we go in public my one friend always gets overwhelmed with anxiety and often will breakdown and cry because of it. I don’t want to sound like a bad friend but lately when I want to go out and do anything I’ll invite another friend just because I don’t have to worry about not having a good time. The thing is because they’re new friends I don’t think im close enough with them to hangout too often. But honestly whenever I hangout with my close friends I feel so trapped because I just want to go out and do stuff like literally anything other than sitting at her place and doing the same thing. I feel like such an asshole and I love her as a friend but I’m so bored of us never doing anything. I try to suggest various activities that don’t involve sitting at home but because of her anxiety every hangout is sitting at home. I’ve tried to help her with exposure therapy and suggesting she start small by grocery shopping herself and little things like that. But this year she switched all her classes online and quit her job so she basically never leaves her house. Im not saying this to diss her way of living but I mean I feel bad for going out with my other friends and doing stuff but it’s because I know she would say no anyway due to anxiety and also I want to have a good time and not worry about her getting overwhelmed form being perceived. I graduate college in a few months and idk if I should invite her to my graduation. I’m worried something will happen to make her anxious and not to sound completely selfish but I don’t want her to breakdown at my graduation because I want that day to be all about me and I don’t want any sad energy. If I didn’t invite her then I wouldn’t invite my other close friend because I don’t want anyone to be left out but I’m worried she will have a breakdown and I’m sorry but I don’t want to deal with that the day of my graduation. WIBTAH for not inviting her and is there anyway I can help her
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[ERROR]
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AITAH for being disappointed over Christmas presents from my girlfriend?
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Ive been with my girlfriend for four years. For our first Christmas together we got each other quite a lot and really seemed to make an effort. She lived at home at that point so had more disposable income.
The couple of years following that we still got each other a few things but it was less due to us having less disposable cash come.
Last year we both got pay rises so agreed that it would be nice to make more of an effort for Christmas and spend more on each other and even buy for some family we don’t usually.
Why she asked totalled around £100 and I got her some extras that cost another £100. What I asked for totalled around £50 and o just told my gf to surprise me with the rest and get me what she thinks I’ll like.
In the bills up to Christmas I saw how much effort she was putting into get I g her family present then when it came to Christmas I saw she’d got me what I’d asked for but nothing else. She then proceeded to mention things she was going to get me but was too expensive.
The total of those items would barely have put the total spend over what she’d asked for from me so it was disheartening to hear. A few days after Christmas she asked if everything was okay.
I mentioned the fact we said we were going to make more of an effort for Christmas now we have the money but it seems it was just one sided.
She called me ungrateful but I just said it hurts since it just seems like it’s me that she hasn’t bought more for while expecting me to spend more for her. I pointed out it was like she was deliberately making a point of not spending more for me by listing all of the things she would have got me while causing the cost was too much.
She just said again I was ungrateful since it’s not like she didn’t get me anything at all.
AITAH for being disappointed over Christmas presents?
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NTA.
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AITAH for getting mad at my boyfriend for hiding an affair from his sister?
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For a little context, I 18F have been with my boyfriend 19M for almost a year now. Due to us being in a "medium-distance" relationship I still haven't been able to meet any of his close family (a bit odd I know but that's an issue for another post).
Recently, me and my boyfriend got into a fight in which he revealed that his sister's husband is cheating on her by going to 'brothels?" and is having intercourse with the girls there regularly. His sister is in her mid 20s and they're planning to have children soon.
My boyfriend has known this for over a year now and has apparently confided in his youngest sister, however neither of them have said anything to the older sister. He says he doesn't want to be the reason her sisters marriage gets ruined and doesn't want to break her heart.
When I still expressed discomfort about the situation he told me I have no right to be upset because I don't know his sister and this issue doesn't concern me.
I don't know if I'm overreacting but something shifted in me and this extent of hiding a cheater is making me very worried for his moral values. Am I overreacting and am I allowed to be upset??
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NTA. Ask him if it's alright if his sister contracted venereal disease.
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AITAH for not wanting to go to the US?
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I have been dating my boyfriend(20M) for more than a year. We met in my country in Europe and he’s been staying in my country ro study here. Every Christmas and summer he goes back to his family and one summer he asked me to come along, I agreed and I booked the flight, I went for a month and this was slightly after trump got into office. When passing immigration I was questioned severely, the motive of my visit, why my boyfriend was not travelling with me(obviously he went on the US citizens queue, and I went on the rest of the world queue). Anyways, it was really fun, I went to San Francisco and I had a tourist visa which I carried on me at all times since I was pretty scared.
This year he wants me to visit him again, we had been planning on it, but with the development of the trump situation, and the Greenland conflict (my country openly supports Denmark and says we will defend Greenland). He’s pressing me to buy tickets and all that, and I told him I’m not going to until I see how things develop. To this, he got really sad and started asking me if that was the whole reason, and if I was sure it wasn’t because I was falling out of love or something like that. I reiterated 100 times that no, it’s not that I am genuinely scared and he said that I always antagonize his country and that despite everything, it’s still the best country in the world. His family is democrat and they are first generation immigrants. He is second generation and I am also a POC, so understandably I am kind of scared.
So AITAH for wanting to cancel the trip until I see how things develop?
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NTA
It's too dangerous for foreigners to go to the USA.
You can be arrested and held for months without having any chance of getting help for made up reasons, as it happened for example to a german tattoo artist who was visiting a friend in USA legally (!)
And if that happens to you, you will get villanized by the US government to hide their crimes.
So no, don't risk it.
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